There was a puzzled expression in her eyes, as if she’d heard something she couldn’t place. Then Luel reached five and, looking directly at my mother, I instantly started to speak, my words tumbling over each other. ‘Mama, it’s me. I’m fine, I’m safe; I got lost in a bad storm and the horses ran away but luckily I was given shelter in the household of a local gentleman.’
‘Natasha?’ came my mother’s astonished voice, so clearly it was as if I were in the same room as her. Her eyes, wide with shock, fastened on the mirror above our mantelpiece. ‘Oh, my little Natashka, what is this? Where are you? How is it that I can see and hear you in our mirror?’
‘The gentleman is something of a
kaldir
, like our neighbour Dr ter Zhaber in Byeloka,’ I improvised desperately, reminding her of the old Faustinian refugee, part magician, part inventor, who’d lived a couple of doors away from us in the city, ‘and this – er – this vision-machine, which links between mirrors, is his new invention. It’s amazing magic.’ I saw Luel look at me with a strange expression on her face and thought she was going to interrupt me, so I hurried on. ‘He is so very clever, Mama, but very busy, and he needs someone to write up notes for him. He has offered me a job as his secretary. It is just temporary, but it will pay well, and it will help us, so I’ve accepted. His household will look after me, and I’ll be home as soon as I can. I just didn’t want you to worry.’
‘But, Natasha,’ said my mother in a bewildered tone, ‘I’m very grateful he gave you shelter, and I’m sure he’s very clever – he must be to make this machine. But what is this gentleman’s name? And why this sudden decision?’
Luel shook her head, and I knew my time was almost up, so I called out desperately, ‘Mama, I will write to you and tell you all you want to know but I must go now because the machine will cut out soon; it doesn’t yet work quite as well as it should. Goodbye, dear Mama, goodbye.’ The last goodbye was cut off abruptly and I was left staring at my mother on the other side of the mirror. But only for an instant, for that image, too, flickered out and disappeared, and I was left with my own reflection.
My stomach churned. There were tears pricking at the corners of my eyelids. This was so cruel. Did I really deserve this, just for destroying that rose? And destroying it accidentally, too. I hadn’t intended any harm. I’d been drawn by its beauty, that was all. Then I remembered the delight it had given me, just to look at it, and remembered, too, the bleak desolation in the
abartyen’s
voice as he spoke of it being the only one of its kind, and the strangest feeling came over me, of pity and understanding mixed. I said impulsively, ‘I am truly sorry about the scarlet flower. Truly sorry.’
‘I know,’ said Luel quietly. ‘But it is done, and that is that.’ She looked at me. ‘Why did you say my lord was a
kaldir
?’ She gave a foreign intonation to the word.
‘What was I supposed to say?’ I cried. ‘That he’s a . . .’ I cut the words off abruptly. ‘I mean, I said it because, well,because of the magic mirror. It was all I could think of on the spur of the moment to explain it without saying too much. I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing.’
‘On the contrary,’ she said. ‘You’ve done well. I am glad for all our sakes.’
I took advantage of her apparent softening. ‘Please, will you let me send a letter to Mama then, answering her questions? I know that if I do not, her worries will only grow.’
‘Yes. You may do so, but I must read it before you send it. It seems harsh, I know,’ she went on gently, ‘but it cannot be any other way. And I promise that no harm shall befall you while you are here. In fact, you will be treated like an honoured guest.’
I swallowed. ‘How – how long must I be here?’
‘That, I cannot tell you. Yet.’
I wanted to yell and scream at