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were swarming out of their dining room, along the hall, up to their classrooms. They were mostly silent, but they still made much more noise than us girls. They stomped harder with their boots and thumped about bizarrely. I looked all about me, jostled as I threaded my way through them. It was so hard to distinguish one particular boy amongst this vast crowd of brown figures. But then I saw him, sloping along by himself, his head bent.
    ‘Gideon! Oh, Gideon!’
    He looked over in my direction, his eyes still blank.
    ‘Gideon, it’s
me
, Hetty.’
    He came rushing towards me and stood over me, a full foot taller than me now, though as little babes we had once fitted together in a basket.
    ‘Oh my goodness, Hetty! You look so different out of uniform. So, are you going today?’
    ‘Yes, I am to be a maid to a gentleman called Mr Buchanan. He writes children’s books.’
    ‘You might like it there, then.’
    ‘No I shan’t.’
    ‘Well,
I
would like it. I’m leaving at the end of the month, to go to Renshaw Barracks.’
    ‘Oh, Gid, I would give anything to change with you . It will be such an adventure for you. Just think how fine you will look in a soldier’s uniform. You might even get to travel abroad!’
    ‘Yes, what splendid fun – to be shot at and blown to smithereens,’ said Gideon bitterly. ‘It’s all right for you, Hetty. It’s so all
wrong
for me. I am a coward.’
    ‘No you’re not! You can be ever so strong and brave and stoical. My goodness, you couldn’t survive
here
if you weren’t.’
    ‘All the other lads mock me. I don’t blame them – I’m so very different. It will be worse at the barracks. I’ve heard such tales.’
    I could not bear to see my dear foster brother in such torment. ‘Then do not go!’ I said. ‘You could just walk right out of the hospital! You’ve got the whole of London to hide in. You’re tall and smart. You will be able to bluff your way, find some kind of work and get lodgings. It’s so much easier for a boy.’
    ‘I have thought of it often. Perhaps I will find the courage to do that – but I rather think not. I told you, Hetty, I am a coward. We should have swapped places with each other when we were in that baby basket. I should have been the girl and you the boy.’
    ‘Come along there, Smeed! Stop dallying with the servants and get to your lessons, boy,’ someone shouted.
    Gideon flinched.
    I held his hand fast. ‘Remember, Gideon, I am your dear sister and I love you very much. I will always care for you. Maybe one day when you are on leave, you can come and take me out. I should love to be escorted by a fine soldier in a splendid uniform,’ I said earnestly.
    ‘
Gideon Smeed!
Are you listening? Head in the clouds as always!
Move
, or I’ll prod you!’
    ‘I have to go, Hetty,’ said Gideon desperately.
    ‘Goodbye, dearest Gid. Good luck!’ I said, and I reached right up and kissed him on the cheek.
    The boys surrounding us jeered and whistled, and Gideon went as red as his waistcoat, but he blew me a very quick kiss in return. Then he went on his way and I wondered if we would ever see each other again.
    I felt so cast down that I nearly lost my courage. I almost wished I were staying at the hospital. It was a cold, cheerless place, especially without dear Mama, but it had been my home for nine full years. I tried to have faith in Miss Smith and her writing gentleman, but I wasn’t at all sure that this was a good move. Maybe I should take my own advice to Gideon, and make a run for it the moment I stepped outside the hospital gates.
    I had survived my two or three days of freedom when I was ten. In many respects I had had splendid adventures – and even earned enough to feed myself too. I was much better equipped now to find myself some desirable employment. Perhaps I should take this one and only chance! I felt badly about Miss Smith, but perhaps she would understand.
    I gathered my few possessions in my small brown travelling box,