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for myself . She suddenly said: My dear, if you don’t think it impossibly rude of me, I must ask you who you have found in this desert to clear-starch your collars? I’ve been admiring them surreptitiously. I can’t get my laundress to do mine properly .
    We don’t send out , Effie said. We have someone in the house who is very adept at that kind of work .
    Betsy? Is she adept at anything? Certainly not at cooking.
    After a while Effie screamed: Good heavens. Is that clock striking six! We can’t have taken up so much of your time .
    When the maidservant opened the door we found that it was still raining. Mrs Paytress insisted that we accept the loan of a second umbrella.
    Remembering my promise to Mother, I tried to bring up the subject of Cambridge as we walked home. As soon I uttered the word, however, Effie stopped and turned to me, the umbrella flapping above her head: Mother won’t say this to you because she wouldn’t wish to hurt your feelings, but you should leave as soon as possible. Go back to Cambridge if you won’t visit Uncle Thomas. She wants to put things right in the house and your presence is obstructing that .
    We walked the rest of the way in silence.
    · · ·
    As we entered the hall, brushing off raindrops and shaking our umbrellas, Mother hurried out to find out why we were so late.
    Interrupting each other, we told the story of our great adventure: the friendliness of Mrs Paytress, the number of books, the beautiful pianoforte, etc.
    But you’ll be able to see it for yourself , I said. She has invited us all to tea on Wednesday .
    Mother frowned: What? Even myself whom she has not even met! That is strange. Did she reveal anything of her past life?
    She told us that she is a widow , Effie replied.
    Did she? I asked. I didn’t hear that .
    Not in so many words , Effie answered with a quick glance of disdain. But it was clear when she said: “I was left by circumstances to fend for myself.”
    Were those her words? Mother asked slowly.
    Mother, what can you be suggesting? Euphemia exclaimed.
    We cannot risk becoming involved with someone about whom there is any scandal .
    Euphemia said: If Mrs Paytress is good enough for the earl, she’s surely good enough for us .
    Mother looked alarmed: What do you mean: “ Good enough for the earl”?
    Simply that she seems to be on friendly terms with Lord Thurchester .
    Mother pursed her lips and changed the subject.
    · · ·
    Betsy being adept at something. Now that is an interesting idea. She may not be beautiful but she is a girl and she’s young. Is she too young? She has little budding breasts. She must have begun to feel the sweet pain of unsatisfied desire. How I’d love to run my fingers round the back of her neck, burrow under the hem of her little blouse.
    · · ·
    What a pity Euphemia mentioned the earl and raised Mother’s suspicions! If we and Mrs Paytress become friends, life in this wasteland might be bearable.
    · · ·
    I was writing those words just now when there was a tap at the door and Betsy came in and said: I need the bath for the young mistress .
    As she bent to pick up the tin bath, I said: Betsy, do you wash her back? The young mistress? She looked down and said nothing. I wondered if I dared to ask her if she would wash mine. I must not frighten her. I must not scare her so that she says anything to Mother.
    · · ·
    It’s quite obvious that Effie has fallen out with Maud and probably the rest of her friends in town. In that case, why is she so keen to buy tickets to a ball at which they will all be present? Tickets that we can’t afford now.
    11 o’clock.
    As we seated ourselves for dinner, the rain was lashing at the windows and the wind was rattling the frames. I said to Betsy: You’ll have a hard time getting home in this weather .
    She stared at me as if I had spoken in Greek.
    Mother said: What are you talking about? She doesn’t go anywhere. She sleeps here .
    I looked at the girl in surprise. She said: Why,