good enough for me. But shit, man, I donât knowâlike, for instance, right now, if the phone rang here, at your house, Iâd have this rush of adrenaline, Iâd start having palpitations, Iâd think heâd tracked me down somehow....â Rae threw back her head and laughed.
Elizabeth smiled. She liked Rae, a lot. God, what she would give to be jolly.
âSo where are your folks?â
âDead. Iâm an orphan. What about you?â
âMy dad died in Korea. My momâs in Los Angeles, same house I grew up in.â
âDo you like her?â
âI adore her. Sheâs a sweetheart. I just canât stand to be in the same room with her for more than ten minutes.â
âYeah?â
âOh, yeah, man, I start climbing the walls. Then I end up hating myself for being such a shit. But I swear to God, sheâs afraid of everything: sheâs afraid of men, mice, cars, food poisoning; sheâs afraid of losing her hand in the washing machine; sheâs afraid of escalators; sheâs afraid when she buys toilet paper the clerk will think sheâs going to use it to wipe herself; sheâs afraid of drowning; sheâs afraid of planesâwhen I flew up here to look for a place, she called the airlines and asked if the pilotâs biorhythm chart was available.â
âNo.â
âI swear to God. What did your mother die of?â
âOld age. At forty. Cirrhosis.â
âOh.â
âReady for another?â
âSure.â Rae gave Elizabeth her empty glass, smiling.
Rae was smoking again when Elizabeth returned with the drinks. âDid your dad drink too?â
âYeah. They both drank like there was no tomorrow. He left my mother for another lady when I was ten.â
âWhat a wipe-out. For your mother.â
âYeah. She went nuts. A week after he left she went out and started buying animals. A beagle, two cats, two white doves and two diamond doves, a guinea pig, a rabbit, and a tankful of tropical fish. It gave her something to do, something to take care of. It made her feel needed. But the house stank. Iâd never liked animals all that much. My dad said he ought to buy me a boa constrictor.â
Rae laughed.
âAnd a parrot, that heâd train to say, âDaddy loves Elizabeth, heâll explain it all someday!ââ
Rae looked suddenly mournful, like Stan Laurel. Elizabeth shrugged, took a sip, sighed.
âWere you and he close?â
âOh, yeah, like that.â Elizabeth crossed her fingers. âI used to cut his hair, rub his feet.... I was the apple of his eye. And I thought my mother was pitiful for not being able to compete successfully.â
âGodâmothers. Where would we be without them?â
âI donât know. My mother only loved me when I was doing something she could brag about.â
âMy mother brags about stuff likeâwell, for instance, she says to this boyfriend of mine, âRae had the talent to be a concert pianistââwhich I didnâtââonly she was lazy. I pushed her and pushed her to practice, Iâd beat the stuffing out of her trying to get her to practice,â like, you know, it speaks of her devotion and wisdom, only to me and the boyfriend itâs like sheâs bragging about having stolen money from orphansâno offenseâto pay for my lessons.â
They shook their heads, smiled at each other.
âI wonder what Rosie will tell her psychiatrist about me when sheâs twenty, all this lurid, compelling, rewritten stuff about my lovers and neuroses and clothes and mannerismsâ
âNah. I bet youâre a great mother.â
âWhat does that have to do with anything?â
âA lot.â
âI donât know. I find myself doing all these things that my mother used to do, things I swore Iâd never do.â
âLike what?â
âI donât know.â Like