get me out on the dance floor at whatever
party Petra had dragged me to the night before she’d left. I had been horribly
depressed by the imminent loneliness Petra’s absence would bring. That had been
the night when I’d known we were truly friends, Danny and I. Before long, I’d
been waltzing on the dance floor, being dipped by my newly minted friend,
smiling so much that it hurt.
I jumped a
foot off the sofa when possible pod Danny walked through the door, coffee and
doughnuts in his hands. Although a potentially evil imposter, he sat across
from me and handed me coffee while placing the plain doughnut box on a table
between us. They looked really good. Mouth still dry, I took a drink of coffee
with cream and sugar, just how I liked it.
“Dan, where
are we?” I blurted out after a moment of awkward silence. He stared at me with
eyes slightly squinted, as if searching for something under my skin. A mirror of my own expression, I
must have seemed as alien to him as he did to me.
He took my
hand again.
W-E A-R-E I-N R-I-V-E-R
“ River?” I
sounded surprised; as if expecting him to say Mars, and the normalcy of the word
threw me. “Are we in New York?” Though intrigued, I was also a little angry, but
more at my own unshakable confusion. “What did you give me last night? I can’t
remember much… of anything, really. Did it mess with my memory?”
He shook
his head slowly, side to side; in the way he had after kissing me. His eyes
narrowed to near-slits.
“Not in New
York?” My voice was very soft and the desperation gone, replaced by fragility
that made me feel small and alone. I wasn’t sure which question he’d answered,
but I had the sinking feeling that it was to all three. From the look on his
face, cold and puzzled, I could tell he had no clue what I was talking about. He
was taking my hand, about to tap out more answers, when I asked, “Why can’t you speak?” This was
the strangest of all the questions—I should have expected a strange answer.
W-E A-R-E A-L-L M-U-T-E - D H-E-R-E
Staring at
his hand on mine, I translated the code into words, turning them around in my
mind. While what seemed to be reality sank in, my head shot up, and I furtively
glanced around the room. As good at coding as I was, I could have misunderstood.
On a table sat paper with music notes on it. “Do you think you could write
instead of code?” He shook his head slowly and looked at me as if I’d grown another,
effectively shooting down my request. “What do you mean by ‘muted’?” I barely whispered.
I H-A-V-E T-O G-O
He stood. I
was frozen.
“Will you
be back?” I couldn’t look at him. Everything was wrong and frightening, even
Danny.
He took my
chin in his hand, gently pulling my eyes up to his. Smiling with sympathy, he
pointed again to the clock. After moving around my right side, he reached over and
touched the glass surface at eleven o’clock.
When I
finally nodded, Dan crouched down, placing his hands on my shoulders and his
forehead against mine. I needed to say something. This silence was killing me.
“I’ll
stay.”
He agreed
and turned to go. Did I have a choice? Where else would I end up if I tried to
leave, or even if I fell asleep? The tears began to run as soon as I heard the
door close.
..................
I never cry.
Almost never. Frustration and stress were taking their toll, however, and I was
curled up in a ball, shaking… crying. I was such a wuss. Obviously not on
my deathbed, I was just extremely frustrated and
angry at something unnamed. We were in a place called River, and Danny didn’t
speak. Muted. “ We are all muted here.” What did that mean? He’d
included me, but clearly I had speech. I always had, as did Danny. Somehow we
had ended up somewhere very wrong, or we were simultaneously having a very bad
trip. Whatever was happening, I had to pull myself together. My head throbbed with
each