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It was nothing but mechanical sex, which had become tiresome and emotionless.
    I needed a connection. I needed anticipation. I wanted to touch a woman with lingering and unexpected caresses. I wanted to kiss a woman slowly, sweetly and passionately.
    I know who I want. I just can’t have her.
    Looking at the two brothers as they increased their tempo with Fifi, made me question why the hell I hadn’t left yet and wondering why was I still standing there watching them. Neither of them even noticed I was even standing there, getting dressed.
    Their actions increased. Raphael pumped his hips and Fifi started to come as Stefano shouted and released. Fifi laughed and eased herself gently off Raphael’s dick, rolling herself onto Stefano, keeping his cock snug inside her, pecking at his neck like a bird.
    And the whole time my dick was soft. It was definitely time for me to go.
    I headed towards the door when a bleary-eyed Stefano called out to me, “Where are you going? The party’s only just begun.” He was sitting up with Fifi still tangled all over him.
    “I’ve got some business to attend to and a few things to clear up. I’ll see the both of you two tomorrow at the birthday. And you better not fucking rock up with a hangover or Sebastiano will lose it,” I warned them.
    I left the club and went home and showered, scrubbing away the smell of sex lingering on my body. Fuck, I needed to stop fucking whores. I was getting too old for that shit. Stefano and Raphael were almost the same age as me, but they had no desire to pull the reins in on their lifestyle.
    They had no desire for what I craved. I craved Lorena. As much as she annoyed the fuck out of me with her flirtatious banter, I welcomed her burning glances and that slow build-up of lust I experienced every time I was in the same vicinity as her. But it was those accidental touches that caused me to almost hit my combustion point.
    She was my ultimate fantasy. Not only feisty, but she had attitude and I loved it. Lorena was fucking beautiful. The fire inside of her drew me to her the most. Keeping my distance from her for so many years was beginning to take its toll. I had no idea how much longer I could last. I’d resisted her all these years, but every day was a battle and the biggest temptation I'd ever encountered. I just needed to get through one day at a time and pray that whatever happened between Lorena and myself, would never destroy the relationship I had with Don Sebastiano. A man I considered my brother.

CHAPTER FOUR
    LORENA
    Fear gripped me from my recurring dream.
    Dreams of my mother.
    I lay there trying to erase the bad memories and focused on contemplating what outfit to wear for my little brother's first birthday. But it was hard, so many negative thoughts consumed me and were taking over my mind.
    Thoughts of my mother.
    The mother I murdered.
    I hated the mornings. They were the most difficult. Waking up alone in my huge bedroom, pushed my loneliness to the surface, feeding my feeling of being lost—lost in my guilt, in my demons. No matter how many therapy sessions, the tingle of guilt still washed over me. At her uneventful memorial service, which was thin on family and devoid of friends, I hoped it would heal me and erase my guilt. It didn’t. Nothing ever would. The only person who came to the service with me was Riccardo. If it wasn’t for him, I would never have survived, never have been able to move forward. My father wanted nothing to do with her memorial service. He was too angry.
    My mother had dug her own grave and burned a lot of bridges throughout her life. She was a vindictive woman, full of hate for my father and his crime family. She was planning to kill my stepmother, Sierra, my father’s mistress at the time, who I adored. I couldn't let my mother do it. Mother used her anger, her selfishness, and her jealousy to enact her revenge on my father. Even in death, she was still winning, still tormenting me. I hated this pain.