telling the truth.
I dropped my chin onto my chest and stared down at my hands, twisting grooves into my comforter. Purple and blue branched from my knuckles to my wrists. They were so swollen, each movement of my fingers caused a sharp lance of pain. My skin was flaky.
Try again . âMomââ
âSave it. Obviously I canât control you, and like I said Iâm tired of trying. Iâm worn-out. Iâm so stressed I canât sleep anymore. I have headaches all the time now. I have no social life, no friends. Iâm too busy chasing after you.â
âIâm sorry,â I whispered.
âIâI just canât do this anymore.â
My head whipped up, and I peered at her with dread. âDonât send me back to rehab. Please. I didnât use. I didnât! All I want to do is make you proud.â
âStop,â she bit out harshly, cutting me off again. âJust stop.â
Tears filled my eyes, burning hotly. I scratched my arms, staring at her, trying to will her to believe me.
âThe guy who brought you home told me he sent his own daughter to a special bootcamp for wayward teenagers.â She faced me fully, her expression sad, determined. âHe gave me the number. Iâve already called them. The director wasnât there, but heâs going to call me as soon as heâs in.â
A gasp split my lips. âNo. Donât do that. Donât send me away again. I just got back. Give me a chance. Iâm trying to put my life together again.â
She remained firm and unbending. âIf theyâll have you, youâre going. End of discussion.â With that, she left my room, shutting the door with a soft click.
Â
I spent the rest of the weekend in my room. I wanted to call and check on my friends, but I was forbidden from using the phone. No way would I disobey Mom now. I didnât need more trouble. Besides, they had to be okay. One or all of the news stations would have reported if anything had happened to them. Not that anyone had reported on the attack.
Which made me think of Ryan when heâd said, âSo the media reports everything now?â
Perhaps they werenât as open and honest as Iâd assumed.
What else didnât I know about?
I sighed. Most of my time was spent drinking water. Sucking it down, really, unable to get enough. I stared at the holophotos on my wall, animated pictures of me and Jamie playing in my backyard. We laughed and hugged each other.
Theyâd been snapped before either of us had started using.
Sheâd been the first to try it. When she told me how it numbed her inside and out, Iâd begged for a taste. Iâd been so happy at first. Iâd thought nothing could hurt me. Now I knew.
I left my bedroom door open and caught my mother walking down the hall a few times. Sheâd look at me and tear up, but she wouldnât stop. Finally, on her fifth trip, I tried to make her talk to me. I hopped from my bed and rushed to the door, hands braced on the frame.
âWe can work this out, Mom. We just have to try.â
She halted abruptly, her back to me. She didnât turn around when she said, âWe canât. We always end up here, with you strung out and me stressed out. Iâm sorry.â
I didnât know how to respond to that because it was true.
She laughed bitterly. âMaybe if Iâd been a better wife, your dad wouldnât have taken off and started another family. He would be here, and you would obey him.â
âWe donât need him.â I hadnât forgiven him for the way heâd left us without warning. I hadnât forgiven him for not contacting us since. It was as if we didnât exist to him anymore.
A part of me missed him, yes. Sometimes I cried for him, wondering what Iâd done wrong, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently to make him stay. But I still hated him with everything inside of
Alexis Abbott, Alex Abbott