Read Read My Lips for Free Online

unpleasurable experiences they may be having, and we don’t think that’s right. We need a great deal more research to understand how women’s bodies change after pregnancy and childbirth and what can be done to help them should they experience problems. We also need more healthcare providers trained to respond with sensitivity to women and with attention to how sex feels for them. Rather than dismissing a woman’s experience by saying “nothing will ever be the same again” post-birth, we think it would be more helpful for that healthcare provider to ask follow-up questions, starting with, “Tell me how things are different for you now—what’s changed?”
    Research shows that with each additional birth, women are more likely to experience pelvic-floor distress symptoms, such as difficulties with incontinence. Often when women experience such pelvic-floor distress symptoms—a fancy term to describe a range of issues such as peeing when one doesn’t mean to pee (incontinence), uncontrollably passing gas, or frequently needing to pee, among other symptoms—it is vaginal-wall relaxation that is at the root of the problem. The bladder may push through the front vaginal wall and create a slight bulge in it (the technical term is a “cystocele”). Or, the rectum may push against the back vaginal wall and create a slight bulge in the back wall (called a “rectocele”). Other terms you may hear used to describe these conditions are “prolapse” and “genital prolapse.” Women who experience prolapse often report that sex lacks sensation. Some say that they can’t feel their partner inside of them during sex. It’s also the case that some women who experience prolapse, especially severe prolapse, avoid sex altogether because vaginal intercourse may increase their urge to pee or to have a bowel movement (which doesn’t exactly make most women feel sexy).
    Sometimes, women who undergo a surgical procedure commonly called a “front wall repair” or a “back wall repair” may notice an improvement across the board—both in terms of their pelvic-floor distress symptoms and their sensation during sex. If you’ve noticed a frequent or uncontrollable urge to pee or to have a bowel movement during sex or daily activities, or if you’ve noticed a significant decrease in sensation during sex, talk to your healthcare provider.
    AROUSAL
    A fourth factor that can affect how small or big a woman’s vagina feels to her or her partner is how sexually aroused the woman herself feels—and how aroused she has allowed her body to become. Here’s why arousal matters to the vagina:
    When a woman is not sexually aroused or excited, her vagina is only about three to four inches long. For women who partner with men, and for women who engage in vaginal sex-toy play, this might not seem like much room. After all, most research on penis size suggests that the average erect penis is between five and six inches long. 23 , 24 And sex toys such as dildos and insertive vibrators are often that length or longer. So, what gives?
    Magic, that’s what.
    I had my first girlfriend when I was fifteen; this was before I came out to my parents, and they didn’t mind my having female friends over to stay the night. So she came over, and we went up to my room (“to watch a movie,” supposedly), and locked the door. It was awkward, and embarrassing, and probably the most erotic experience I’ve ever had. I had touched her vulva before that, but that was the first time I’d actually seen it in good light.
    — A VA, 23, Vermont
    When a woman becomes sexually aroused, her body begins to change. More blood flows to her genitals. Her heart rate and breathing increase. And her vagina? It lubricates and tents. Tents? Yes, tents. During sexual arousal, muscular tension pulls the uterus upward, which makes more room in a woman’s vagina (after all, the uterus is at the far end of the vagina, so when it lifts up, more space is created). This process