Read Razing Kayne for Free Online

on, I'll pull you back.”
    Ash took his hand without hesitation, his trust absolute, and Kayne remembered another
     little hand reaching out with unyielding faith. That little boy had been younger,
     not quite four.
    Ash followed Kayne through the buffet line, copying his every move. They piled lettuce,
     tomatoes, pickles, and onions on huge, juicy cheeseburgers. Everything Kayne scooped
     onto his plate, Ash did too. Kayne wondered, for a moment, if Niki would have done
     the same as he grew older. He shoved the thought away; it was no use to think such
     things. His son was dead.
    Knowing Ash was watching his every move, Kayne skipped the frosty beer he really wanted,
     and grabbed a bottle of ice cold root beer instead. He took the seat on the end of
     the picnic table, leaving a space between him and Isabelle as a buffer. He would eat
     and then leave.
    Suddenly Isabelle jumped up and started dancing around. “I have to go potty!”
    Jessica stood up, still holding Gracie. “Will you see if you can get her to eat something?”
     She plopped Gracie into Kayne’s lap, grabbed Isabelle's hand, and took off running
     without waiting for a response.
    Gracie took a half -dozen bites off his plate then started rubbing her eyes with chubby little fists.
    “Someone's sleepy,” Polly observed.
    “Play in snow!” Gracie pouted, turning those big blues pleadingly toward him.
    Kayne patted his shoulder. “Lay your head down until everyone is done eating.”
    She nodded and snuggled up in his arms, laying her head against his chest and placing
     her fist over his heart. Like Natalia used to do. It was as if he was holding his
     daughter, and that thought sent a chill down his spine.
    Kayne closed his eyes tightly and hummed a few bars of a Russian lullaby. Pulling
     the baby in close, he fought the waves of pain and longing that threatened to pull
     him under. He hadn't realized the Kevlar vest he'd been wearing last time had also
     been protecting his heart. It had protected him from remembering what it truly felt
     like to hold his daughter, as he held Gracie now.
    He'd loved holding Natalia like this. Inhaling shampoo, baby powder, and innocence. He'd read her stories about princesses in faraway castles and knights who slayed
     monsters. On Sunday mornings, he'd curled up with his son on the couch, reading the
     sports section and the comics while his girls slept in. He remembered rocking Tasha
     to sleep in the old wooden rocking chair. He'd never had the chance to get to know
     his baby girl, and that fucking killed him.
    Goddammit, he didn't want to remember. It hurt so fucking much. He didn't understand how a heart
     already dead could die a little more. But by holding Gracie like this, his just had.
     

FIVE
     
    When Jess walked back into the ramada, Kayne's eyes were closed. Gracie lay sleeping
     against his chest, his large hands holding her lovingly close. Yet his expression
     was anything but peaceful. The lines in his face spoke of pain.
    She laid a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped as if she'd tasered him. Eyes the color
     of thunderheads met hers for an instant before he looked away, revealing unshed tears
     and unbearable pain. Her own heart felt as if it were breaking in response.
    He stood quickly, his hands unsteady as he transferred Gracie into her arms. Without
     a word, he walked to the edge of the ramada and stared toward the snow-covered mountains.
    “Can we go play in the snow?” Ash asked. “Kayne promised.”
    Kayne spoke, his voice gruff, barely above a whisper. “Clean up whatever Mama tells
     you to first.” He walked toward the snow hill without a backward glance.
    The three kids scrambled to their feet and quickly bused the table without argument.
     They wasted no time in following after him.
    Jess looked around, making sure she wouldn’t be overheard by anyone else at the picnic.
     Judge Johnson had most of the remaining picnic attendees attention; telling one of
     his tall-tale