Raining Cat Sitters and Dogs

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Book: Read Raining Cat Sitters and Dogs for Free Online
Authors: Blaize Clement
lifetimewhen water was scarce, because every time I’m in a warm shower all my pores start singing hymns of thanksgiving. After air, I think water is God’s best gift to us.
    When I was squeaky clean, I slicked back my wet hair, pulled on a terry cloth robe, and fell onto my night-rumpled bed to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up dry mouthed and a little chilled from sleeping under the AC, so I padded barefoot to the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. Carrying it in one hand, I flipped on the CD player on the way to my office-closet and let its sly little robot shuffle through a stack of music and surprise me. Smart robot that it is, it selected Billie Holiday’s voice to wrap around me while I took care of the business part of pet sitting.
    My office-closet is the only expansive feature of my apartment. I don’t know why my grandfather made it so big, but it’s a good thing he did. It’s square, with two entries. One wall has shelves for my shorts and Ts and the other wall has a desk where I take care of pet-sitting business. A floor-to-ceiling mirror on the wall between the two entry doors magnifies the light and makes the room look even bigger than it is. My meager collection of dresses and skirts hang on the back wall. I don’t dress up much.
    My answering machine had a few calls to return, mostly regular clients letting me know when they would need me to take care of their pets, and I made quick work of calling them. Then I got out my big record-keeping book that I always have with me when I make client calls and transferred notes to individual client cards. I take my pet-sitting duties as seriously as I took being a deputy. In some ways,they require the same skills. You have to be smart enough to tell the difference between a situation that requires force and one that requires diplomacy, you have to be quick to respond to unexpected situations, and you have to be patient if somebody upchucks on you.
    My clients like the fact that I’ve been a law enforcement officer. Knowing that I can use a gun or disarm a criminal makes them feel more confident about letting me come in their houses while they’re gone. I don’t know how they feel about my crazy time after Todd and Christy were killed. If they know about it, they’re all kind enough not to mention it.
    When I finished with my record keeping, I got dressed and took a banana out to the porch and ate it while I looked at distant sailboats on the Gulf and thought about how glad I was that I wasn’t in one. The thing about water and me is that I love having it fall on me in a warm shower and I love looking out at the Gulf’s waves and frothy surf, but I’m not crazy about getting
in
the Gulf. Not in the flesh or in a boat. The Gulf is too big and powerful for me to control, and that makes me uneasy. Not that I’m a control freak or anything. But if I were given a choice between shooting off into outer space or diving to the bottom of an ocean, I’d take space. At least you can see where you’re going in space, and it’s damn dark at the bottom of the ocean. Besides that, freakish critters live down there, pale things that never see the sun and have weird mouths shaped like flowers. I figure space aliens are similar to us, but sea creatures are bound to be slimy and cold.
    Having reminded myself of my deep respect
for
butaversion
to
deep water, I went back inside and got my backpack and car keys. It was time to make my afternoon rounds.
    Later, I would look back on that afternoon and marvel at how innocent I’d been. While I dithered about scary deep-sea creatures I would never meet, scarier beings were on land and headed my way.

5
    S ummer on the key is so hot that going outside between ten in the morning and four in the afternoon is somewhat like crawling inside a pizza oven. By August, the only people who don’t illustrate the meaning of “redneck” are shut-ins or nighttime workers who sleep during the day. The only thing that keeps the key

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