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pseudonyms like Tony Fauci or names of recently deceased PWAs): We all have gainful employ. We have a discussion about why we are protesting at the FDA and why we are prepared to get arrested. As with any group of more than three people, one or two people talk constantly for the sake of self-expression, and the rest nod agreement. Consensus is reached. Michael H. has devised a theme for our group: Tell Me Why. He has composed a list of around ten questions, like “Why has the FDA approved only 2 drugs when 130 drugs have proven effective against HIV in vitro?,” and so on. He is going to make up signs with questions on one side and “TELL ME WHY” on the obverse side. Another member of our contingent volunteers to make armbands. And we have our own theme song, “Tell Me Why,” by the Communards. Our support person, who won’t be arrested but will track us through the legal system and carry our valuables and medication, hands us an information sheet to fill out. This is our second sheet: We filled another one out at the CD training session. I just love, filling out forms. The form has the usual categories : home and work phone numbers, savings-account number, religious disaffiliation, hidden tattoos on buttocks and ankles, and so on.
    The group meeting starts at 7:30. We get yet another form to fill out: The earlier forms have been discarded. I’m pleased that ACT UP/ACT NOW has effectively demonstrated the imitative fallacy by mimicking the FDA’s bureaucracy.
    Gregarious Michael asks us what we’re going to do in less than a week. “Seize control!” is the resounding reply. We’ve already started to seize control. For the week of the protest, all FDA employees will be using photo IDs. Police will guard the entrances. There will be barricades on Tuesday. The woman in charge of public relations at the FDA calls Michael daily. The FDA is scared. It thinks we will be dumping bags of contaminated blood on the premises.
    Peter shows a video of the FDA. We get handouts describing the physical layout from the Metro stop to the building. A sympathetic judge has volunteered to keep the courts open for us on Wednesday; Maryland celebrates Columbus Day on Wednesday, October 12. Nearby jails are overcrowded; the police may move us to a high-school gymnasium. Attracted by the fetish appeal of high-school locker rooms, several more members of ACT UP immediately volunteer to get arrested.
    Another Michael rubs the back of my neck.
    Stephen from the Issues Committee tells us about the Bush initiative, which we expect will be unveiled on Friday, to preempt our demo. This proposal theoretically should speed up drug trials: The FDA would give tentative approval to drugs after phase-2 trials, and final approval after phase 3. The FDA would be more involved in planning trials. On the surface, this sounds promising. But Stephen explains that it’s just reshuffling the same deck of cards. Former debutante Anne, our media expert, demonstrates the proper response for TV and radio. We shouldn’t give thoughtful and well-reasoned commentary: We should talk in direct, simple statements; we should talk in headlines. Anne supplies what is destined to be the cry of the nineties: “It’s a lie, it’s a sham, it won’t work!” We all chant in unison.

True Stories, Part III
     
    Peter was dead for a month before someone finally returned my last message. We had both gone on our respective trips: He went to L.A., and I went to Scotland. I suppose I received a postcard from him postmortem. I called once and his best friend, Amy, answered the phone; she said he was very ill and that they were looking for a twenty-four-hour nurse; it was only a matter of time.

Dazed and Confused
     
    My alarm goes off at 4:45 A.M. on Saturday. I stagger into the bathroom and sneer at the mirror. Outside it’s raining. I toss some magazines I had gotten for the bus into my backpack. Search for an umbrella. I’ve left my five serviceable umbrellas at