âI Donât Know.â
Smile
âs drama was real, not a fabrication. Heard over and over, those chants and ostinatos came to mimic the obsessive ruminations of a confused, broken man. It was music worth obsessing about: âHeroes and Villains,â âSurf âs Up,â âChild Is Father of the Man.â The most beautiful music ever.
To Allison, it sounded like noise. âSomething else, please,â she called across the room.
Heath turned off the music. âWhat do you want to hear?â
Focused on her task, she spooned three dark heaps of ground coffee into the basket filter of Heathâs never-before-washed coffeemaker. âActually, nothing right now. Iâm still thinking about that movie.â Starting the coffee, she pulled up a stool and sat down. Her feet were dirty from picking up dust and bits of uncooked rice from the floor. âI wonder why they donât make movies like that anymore. I mean, itâs just
porn.
Whatâs the big deal?â
âItâs not porn, Allison.â He moved in on her; this was a subject that he took
very
seriously, and his unshaven faceâwhich Allison had once likened to a banana, an image she hadnât been able to shake sinceâregarded her with pity and concern. âPorn is its own thing. Iâm not interested in porn. Iâm interested in transgressive cinema.â
She smiled at him. âNo, I know you are, honey.â Her eyes went dreamy as she appraised his body; his long, dyed-blond hair, black at the roots; the impressive musculature heâd built up from years of lugging camera equipment around and that now seemed wrong for his personality. Sheâd never dated a boy like Heath before. Two, maybe three nights a week, she stayed with him in East Providence, their dates consisting mostly of takeout pizza, one or two rounds of lovemaking (at twenty-one, Allisonâs sexual proclivities were still rooted in adolescence: candlewax and flavored condoms) interspersed with late-night screenings of
Zabriskie Point, I Am Curious (Yellow), I Am Curious (Blue), Salon Kitty, The Naked Ape, Last House on Dead End
Street, Guyana: Cult of the Damned,
any number of Umberto Lenzi films,
Jungle Holocaust, Farewell Uncle Tom,
the uncut
Lolita,
the uncut
Caligula,
the European-only version of
Salo or
the 120 Days of Sodom,
all preselected from his ever-growing library of rare and imported videos, DVDs, and even 16mm, which he showed against a baby-blue bedspread hung over the wall. For her part, Allison did her best not to draw any conclusions about her boyfriendâs sanity based on his cinematic preferences: banned films, films involving rape and torture and child molestation, films at the very least rated NC-17 but generally not rated all. She was beyond drawing conclusions about anything. Besides, she didnât want to look like a wimp.
Ever since collegeâas expected, sheâd graduated with honors in Comparative Literature, with a minor in Postfeminist Theoryâsheâd been crafting a new persona for herself. Though she still kept in touch with her former housemates, she now considered almost everything about the Ivy League experience distasteful. During those four years at Harvard, sheâd gotten laid exactly once and not since her first semester. The drugs were good on campus, and easy to find, but the only place she liked to get high was the aquariumâ
check out the fishes, whoa
âand the only clubs in town usually played too much eighties retro for her taste. Freed from the bonds of academia, she wanted to explore life a little, maybe get arrested, try heroin once, have a âlesbian experience,â read James Joyce and D. H. Lawrence, wear slinky black dresses instead of sweaters and jeans, high-heeled sandals instead of shapeless brown loafers, Poison instead of patchouli.
When sheâd first met Heath back in Juneâthe Wild Colonial wasnât his usual hangout,
Judith Miller, Tracie Peterson