rough patch with Tucker as an excuse to escape to something simpler, to someone who reminded me of childhood. A time when everything made more sense.
"You sure?" Tucker asked after a long pause. Guilt consumed me when I thought of letting him down. I had to give us a chance. I had to know for sure what fate had in store.
"Of course I'm sure. It sounds perfect," I replied gently. He sighed into the phone. I'd calmed his nerves and I was hoping our New Year's escape would bring us back to who we used to be.
"Tucker, this is amazing," I said, looking around the cozy yet modern room of the bed and breakfast. It was New Year's Eve and we'd arrived for our time alone together. Our drive up was pleasant, listening to music and laughing as we reminisced. Memory after memory made us laugh and smile and the thought of that tugged at my heart. I missed who we were and I hoped we could get back there again. I felt like we'd found ourselves in a gray area of disconnect. Both wanting to savor what we once had, but both afraid it was no longer possible. If we weren't talking about the past, we didn't talk at all. Thank God for the distraction of smart phones.
"You like it?" he asked casually as he placed our bags next to the king-sized bed covered in gorgeous gray and turquoise linens. A fireplace in the corner of the room had been lit for us. The room glowed from the soft flicker of burning flames and I felt myself being swept up in the romance of it all.
"Like it? I love it," I said, running my hands down the soft cotton of the pillowcase.
"Good," Tucker whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around my waist. His nose pressed against the skin behind my ear and he moved it back and forth, nuzzling the sensitive part near my earlobe. He knew the most sensitive and ticklish spots of my body. He knows me so well.
Placing my hands on top of his, I turned to face him, pressing my lips to his and looking him in the eye. My breath hitched.
Why am I so nervous?
Tucker and I weren't virgins. We'd done this many times. But it'd been quite a while, and this occasion held tension and pressure that I was desperate to remove from our strained relationship.
Tucker took a deep breath before kissing me lightly on the tip of my nose.
"Our dinner reservation is in about thirty minutes. Probably better to wait until later for this," he said, turning away and walking into the bathroom. Pulling nervously on my sweater, I waited for him to finish. I'd like to say that I was disappointed he stopped things from getting more intense, but relieved was probably a better word. Dinner sounded like a great icebreaker and, if I was being honest with myself, I desperately needed a cocktail to loosen up. Make that two.
Several hours and many cocktails later, Tucker and I stumbled from our cab outside the bed and breakfast. Tucker paid the driver and led me to our room. Dinner had been awkward at first, but with each empty glass the conversation grew easier. Before long, Tucker managed to draw me into him like he did years ago. Lightly caressing my arm with his fingers, whispering into my ear at midnight, telling me how much he loved me. Like most couples who have been together for awhile, we said the 'L' word all the time. So much that it had become routine. We said it before saying goodbye and when we were ready to hang up the phone. But, nothing was routine about these 'I love you's. I was left craving Tucker and the physical compatibility we'd shared for years. Before we started to move in different directions.
"C'mon, baby, let's get you upstairs," he said, taking my hand and leading me to our room.
Once inside, I removed my coat and scarf, feeling really tipsy and warm. Glancing in the mirror, I saw the effect of the alcohol on my now scarlet skin. Every bit of me tingled and I felt amorous. So amorous. No matter how many issues Tucker and I may have had, I wanted him.
"Tuck," I said, pulling my hair out of its bun.
"Yes, baby," he