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accurate with weapons. If I strike with my sword, it will connect exactly where I intend. If I use a knife, it will score. If I use a shield, it will block the weapon of my opponent. This sort of thing is useful for a warrior maiden.”
    “I should think so,” Goody agreed. He had just seen her effectiveness with the sword.
    “So do you have a talent?”
    Goody hesitated, remembering his prior discussion with Magician Grey Murphy. “I—don't know.”
    “Come on now. I told you mine.”
    “Goblins are supposed to have half talents that can't be used by themselves. But I may be different.”
    “Different?”
    Grey and Wira returned before he could explain further, concerned about the mayhem that might have happened.
    “We're ready to travel,” Hannah Barbarian announced.
    “Your two jaws are dragging on the ground, you incompetents,” Goody's voice said. It was very nearly true.

Xanth 29 - Pet Peeve
    3

Xanth 29 - Pet Peeve
    Spring
    They set off next morning, armed with supplies, weapons, and the parody. “Do we have a destination?” Hannah inquired.
    “What kind of language is that?” the peeve demanded in Goody's voice. “You're supposed to be a barbarian. You should be uttering dull monosyllables and scratching your armpits.”
    “True barbarians are clean,” Hannah replied equably. “It's the ignorant civilized miscreants who stink, in bodies and language.”
    “And not all of them,” Goody added.
    The parody gave up trying to insult them, because it was clear that they were no longer fooled. Ruffled, it looked around for some better target.
    “But about our destination,” Goody said. “I don't have anything specific in mind. But in a general way, I suspect that the enchanted paths will have mainly busy travelers, not looking for pets. So maybe the less-traveled regions are better. The relative wilderness, as it were.”
    “Where they aren't as smart,” Hannah agreed. “Some might even think the baneful bird is cute.”
    The peeve ruffled further, but did not comment. It evidently wasn't used to receiving insults itself.
    “Where is the most backward wilderness?”
    “That would be the Region of Madness,” she said. “That's south of here.”
    “South it is.”
    They left the path and cut south across field and forest. Goody hoped to find an isolated house, maybe a hermit residence, whose occupant would welcome even the dubious company of a pet peeve. He had more than a suspicion that it would not be nearly that easy.
    They found a small path through a thicket. “I don't trust this,” Hannah said. “It looks like a—”
    “Well, look at that!” the parody said with Goody's voice. “If it had decent foliage, it might vaguely resemble a tree.”
    Goody looked where the path was leading. It was indeed a tree, surrounded by a small greensward. Its foliage consisted of drooping fronds or tentacles. He looked at Hannah. “Tangle tree,” he mouthed silently.
    She nodded. This was one of the most dangerous denizens of the vegetable kingdom. Tangle trees lured their prey within range by means of convenient paths, fragrant flower smells, pleasant scenery, and possible shelter from a storm, then grabbed them and consumed them. They needed to get well away from this.
    Silently, they turned, hoping to escape before the tree realized that they had caught on. One could never be quite sure how far a tangler tentacle could reach.
    “I've seen better strings on a kraken weed,” the parody said loudly. “What a miserable excuse for a mop!”
    The tangle tree quivered. Individual tentacles twitched. The alluring perfume intensified.
    Goody and Hannah slowly stretched their lifted feet around toward the back. They needed to get out of range.
    “And the stench!” the peeve continued. “Did a stink horn die here?”
    That did it. Four tentacles flung out, whipping neatly around the arms of Goody and Hannah. They had not after all been quite out of range.
    “My turn,” Hannah said grimly. She