Read Outside Beauty for Free Online

could monopolize the outdated jukebox. We played “American Pie” so many times in a row that the proprietor made us sit down and threatened to take the rest of our coins away.

    The four of us sat in the hard chairs in the smoky alley and watched our mother and Larry act like two people in love. I could see that the few other people in the alley noticed. Some of them watched and smiled.
    I said, “Someday if they get married, do you think we’ll all have the same last name?”
    Maddie cuddled next to me. “I want to have the same last name as you.”
    I hugged her to me. Then we sat quietly, listening to the sounds of pins falling and balls rolling as our mother and Larry bowled and kissed, bowled and kissed, until two in the morning. Maddie snored lightly as she lay against me, and I stayed still so as not to bother her. My arm started tingling and then fell asleep, but I didn’t move.
    Finally, Larry and our mother were ready to leave. Larry carried Maddie, who could sleep through a tornado. The proprietor smiled as we walked past, then called out, “You two remind me of my husband and me when we were young!”
    Outside, the trees were dark and beautiful. “Larry?” I said. “Are you happy?”
    â€œAbout what?”
    â€œJust in general.”
    â€œI guess I’m happy most of the time. Why?”

    â€œI don’t know. I feel happy right now.” I liked being up at two in the morning surrounded by my family.
    At home that night, my mother followed Larry into the bedroom, and later in their voices I heard how much they cared for each other. Lakey made us all pray that they would get married, and we did so.
    Finally, everybody fell asleep except me. I lay there until the sun began to rise. My heart felt filled with yearning or sadness or something I didn’t understand. I heard Larry getting ready for work, and I smelled coffee. I got up and walked into the kitchen in my pajamas.
    â€œGood morning,” I said.
    â€œGood morning!” he said. “What are you doing up so early?”
    â€œI haven’t been to sleep yet.”
    â€œAre you okay?”
    â€œI don’t know,” I said. “Larry?”
    â€œUh-huh.” He sipped at his coffee.
    â€œDo you love Mom?”
    â€œOf course I do, sweetheart.”
    â€œEverybody calls me ‘sweetie’ or ‘sweetheart.’ I think more people call me that than my name.”
    â€œThat’s because you’re very sweet.”

    â€œI think it’s because I wear glasses.”
    He laughed. “That too.” He drank more coffee.
    â€œLarry?” I said.
    â€œWhat’s on your mind, sweetheart?”
    â€œI don’t know exactly. I was just—I felt sad or something.”
    He set down his cup and looked at me seriously. “About what?”
    â€œI don’t know . . . Mom can’t keep, like, living like this forever, can she?”
    He picked up his cup again but just looked in it as if he were reading the way the cream swirled. Then he set down his cup again. “Here’s the thing. Even while you’re being young, you also have to be getting old at the same time. Do you see what I mean?”
    And I did. “You mean Mom’s not doing that. She’s not getting old.”
    He reached out and rubbed my cheek and smiled sadly. “She is getting older. We all are.”
    â€œBut you love her?”
    â€œOf course I do.”
    I looked at my funny toes. “Okay, I was just wondering.” I suddenly felt really sleepy.
    I went to our bedroom and lay down next to Maddie. Later I was the last one to wake up. I stillsmelled coffee. I went into the kitchen and found the mess my sisters had already made. They were probably all waiting for me to clean it up, because I was the tidy one. I inherited that from my mother. You’d think she’d be messy because she spent so much time being beautiful, but actually,