Read Only Forever for Free Online Page A

me.”
    Seconds tick by…
    “It was bad over there.” He doesn’t really ask me but just kind of acknowledges the hell I lived.
    I nod. “Yup.”
    “That happen a lot?”
    I don’t answer.
    He looks toward the lit end of the hall, where it opens to the main floor. “No one noticed.”
    I drop my gaze to my shoes. “I’ve fucked my life so many ways, I don’t know how to fix it.”
    “Nah. It’s fixable.” Ryan shifts, shaking his head, and crosses his arms. “We both care about her.”
    I nod.
    “And we both carry a huge burden for her.”
    I have to laugh. It comes out sad and angry. “Think I’ve got you beat on that one.”
    “Yeah.” He tilts his head back. “See, this is where I fucked up: back in high school, I was a cocky ass. You too. Right? And she was—God, Emma’s always been so sweet… I didn’t get you and her. I liked it and wanted that, ’cause it made her happy, but I didn’t see… the whole thing.” He sighs and knocks his head against the wall. “When you were gone, I could have killed you. When she cried on my bed—it slaughtered me. And that conversation, that she was knocked up… shit.”
    A lump forms in my throat.
    Ryan clears his voice. “I forgot that you and I were boys. That you grew up as my brother.”
    “I left. I deserve that. Abandoned every fuckin’ person.”
    “It didn’t cross my mind that you loved her—even though we were close friends. A you-and-her long-term thing? I was too young to understand anything of that magnitude. But her pregnant and heartbroken?” He drops his arms then cracks his knuckles. “What I’m trying to say is I pushed for you two to hang out back in the day, and now I’ve done the opposite. And really, I need to step the hell away.”
    His words hang in the air as I think back. Since we’re airing memories, I speak up. “There was a lot going on back then. Since I was a kid, Pops would beat the crap out of me.” I rub my temples. “I ran from that. That’s why I left. I might’ve been the person you knew when I was at school or around your family, but at home, I was worthless. Except when I was with her.”
    I sigh, letting my eyes close and my mind drift back to the night at the beach house—the night I almost didn’t run.
     
    Emma’s warm body wraps around me under the blankets, and I watch her sleep. The things you notice when trying to memorize someone… her breaths are sleepy and soft. Her lips curl slightly as she holds onto me. Hours have passed. I meant to leave at midnight, then two in the morning, then four. But now dawn is pushing through the night. The darkness from the window is a purply blue. Moving from this bed is literally the hardest step I’ve taken in my life.
    But we promised: no goodbyes. She wants and needs a good life, free from people like me who come from places like the ones I come from and who have to hide their real lives from their best friends…
    In one push, I roll away and turn back. That soft smile on her sleeping face fades. She’s still asleep, but it’s not just an expressionless dreaming face.
    I cannot believe this is how it ends. “I love you, Emma.”
    But she’ll go to college. Get a degree. Maybe stay away from stupid Summerland County and go… I don’t know. Become a famous photographer or a Broadway dancer. She can be anything she wants without the likes of me to hold her down.
    I let my fingers run over her cheek and—her sleepy smile returns. I capture that image in my mind and turn before letting go, not daring to risk seeing the loss of that smile.
    I grab my shirt, find a pair of pants, tuck everything into a backpack, and can’t help but turn around. Her smile is gone, as if even in her sleep she knows I’m leaving her.
     
    Screw it. I’ve kept too much inside, and it hasn’t worked out well for me. “You were my family.”
    Ryan nods.
    “Pops was miserable. He taught me nothing and tried to ruin me. But man, your dad’s the one that taught me how