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Christian God. This led her to a group of people who have similar beliefs, who are willing to pray with her and give her comfort.
    But even without those people, Pam feels supported. “As long as I have my faith,” she once told me, “I am never completely alone, even when I'm home all by myself. My husband's spirit is nearby; I can feel that. And there's another Spirit that's always here for me.” This is a source of great strength for Pam, as it is for many women who suddenly find themselves on their own in mid-life.
The Name Doesn't Matter
    Before we discuss this topic fully, let's get a few things straight. Religious beliefs, or lack of them, are a highly personal matter. You have your beliefs, I have mine, and they are almost certainly different. In fact, if you asked a hundred women to define what “God” means to them, you'd probably get a hundred different answers. I'm not suggesting that you ought to believe in God. You might be an atheist, and I respect that. As an atheist, you might find ways to get support and comfort that pull you through the toughest times. If so, good for you.
    All I'm saying is that the majority of women I've known in circumstances like yours have benefited greatly from connecting with their Higher Power.
    I use the term Higher Power because it's a general term for something that has many different names, including God, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, Buddha, Krishna—it's a long list. I know a woman who was raised in a family in which God was not discussed at all. Her parents were agnostics and she grew up without any kind of religious faith. After she was an adult and had problems with drugs and alcohol, she joined a 12-step program. Six of those steps mention “God” or “Higher Power.” Not having any previous definition of this idea, the woman at first rejected it. But the people in her group pointed out to her that, though she didn't have to believe in this Power, it was clear that up to that point, her belief systems weren't working. As proof, she only had to look at the mess that was her life at the time.
    The people in the 12-step group then said that the Higher Power had to be something, anything outside herself. It could be a person, the group, an object—anything greater than she—from which she could draw strength and support. As she thought about it, she came to realize that she could relate to the energy that comes from such support. Being a visual person, she pictured a little baby being held in a large hand. In this picture, the baby was herself and the hand was the energy. The hand wasn't necessarily connected to a white-haired old man like in Michelangelo's painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Rather, the hand represented the energy that holds and supports and comforts her. Keeping that picture in her mind reminds her that she is never walking her path alone. After 14 years, she's still clean and sober, so her idea of a Higher Power works in her life.

    By whatever name and whatever means you can derive strength and support from a Higher Power, I highly recommend it. For many women, including myself, it is the only way to get through the pain, sadness and loneliness that comes from being on their own again. A most extraordinary example of this is in the story of Terri Thomas.
A Downward Slide to the Depths
    To protect their identities, I've changed the names of all the women whose stories appear in this book—except one. Terri Thomas is the real name of a woman whose life has gone from the very depths of the gutter to the heights of personal success and professional accomplishment. She has allowed me to use her name because her story is no secret, and in fact has been a source of inspiration to others on many occasions.
    Terri Thomas is a beautiful African-American woman with a radiant, shining face. Her hair is stylishly cropped, her clothes are chic and fit well. She carries herself with nearly-perfect posture. Her stance is strong and imposing. She speaks