one person to carry on their back. When I met Tessa a year ago, she was so different. Her shell was the same, a beautiful blonde with pretty eyes, a soft voice, and a high GPA. The first time I talked to her, I felt like I had met the female version of myself. We immediately bonded over being the first two to arrive in the lecture hall our first day of college. Tessa and I got closer as her relationship with Hardin developed. I watched as she fell in love with him, and he fell harder, and they both fell apart.
I watched them rip each other apart and then stitch each wound back together. I watched them become one anotherâs everything, then their nothing, then everything again. I had trouble picking sides during the war. It wasnât without causalities. It was just too complicated and messy, so now Iâm taking my cue from Bella Swan and staying neutral, like Switzerland.
Yikes, Iâm referencing Twilight . I need caffeine. Pronto.
When I walk into the kitchen, Tessa is sitting at the small table with her phone in her hand.
âMorning.â I nod to her and switch on the Nespresso machine. Iâve become somewhat of a coffee snob since working at Grind. It helps to have a roommate whoâs equally obsessed. Not as picky, but even more addicted than I am.
âMorning, sunshine,â Tessa says distractedly, at first barely glancing up from her phone, but then her eyes go straight to the gash above my eyebrow and concern takes over her expression. After rubbing some Neosporin on it this morning, I was happy to be able to omit the Disney Band-Aid.
âIâm fine, but damn, that was embarrassing.â I grab a pod of Brazilian espresso and push it into the machine. The counter space in here is minimal, and the thing takes up half the room between the off-white fridge and the microwave, but itâs a necessity.
Tessa smiles, biting her lip. âA little,â she agrees, and covers her mouth to stifle her amusement.
I wish she would laugh . . . I want her to remember how it feels.
I glance over at her miniature coffee cup. Itâs empty.
âNeed a refill? Do you work today?â I ask.
She sighs, picks up her phone, then puts it back down. âI do.â Her eyes are stained with angry red lines again. Bloodshot from the tears soaked into her pillowcase. I didnât hear crying last night, but that doesnât mean she wasnât. Sheâs slightly better at hiding her feelings lately. Or so she thinks.
âYes to both. Work. And want more coffee. Please,â she clarifies with a half smile. Then she clears her throat and her eyes fall to the table as she asks, âDo you know which days Hardin will be here yet?â
âNot yet. Weâre still a few weeks away, so he hasnât told me. You know how he is.â I shrug my shoulders. If anyone knows Hardin, itâs her.
âYouâre sure this is okay, right? Because you know if you arenât, I can have him stay at a hotel or something,â I offer.
I would never want her to be uncomfortable in her own apartment. Hardin would fight me over this, but I donât care.
She forces a smile. âNo, no. Itâs fine. This is your place.â
âAnd yours,â I remind her.
I put the first cup of espresso into the freezer for Tessa. Sheâs doing this thing lately where she only drinks cold coffee. My suspicion is that even something as simple as a warm cup of coffee reminds her of that boy.
âIâm going to pick up extra shifts at Lookout. Iâm almost done with training anyway. Theyâre letting me do brunch and dinner today.â
My chest aches for my friend, and for once, my loneliness doesnât seem so bad compared to the alternative of her shattered heart.
âIf you change your mindââ
âI wonât. Iâm fine. Itâs beenâwhat?â She shrugs. âFour months
or something?â
Sheâs lying through her teeth,