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at all the books so I went and watched Kyle and Shawn play foosball for a while. I asked if I could play, and they pretended not to hear me. I asked again, louder, and Kyle scored a point on Shawn. Then Shawn picked up the ball and looked at me and said, “If you ever talk to me again I’m going to shove this ball so far up your ass it’s going to pop out your eyeball.” Kyle laughed and said, “Beat it, anus-face,” and they kept playing. I went to my room and got into bed. I stared at the underside of the top bunk where someone had written FUCK THE WORLD ’CUZ THE WORLD IS FUCKED!!! in black Magic Marker. I closed my eyes. I wished that I didn’t have to be in here with all these mean-ass teenagers, and I wished that Gina wasn’t in the hospital so she could take me to Marineland. I thought about dolphins doing flips. I thought about seals barking.Then I thought about dogs barking. Then I remembered something Norm said on a recent episode of Cheers : “It’s a dog-eat-dog world, Sammy, and I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.”
    Then I started feeling a little bit better, because everyone has to wear Milk-Bone underwear sometimes. I thought about Sam for awhile and wondered what kind of dog he would have. Probably a border collie since they’re the smartest. And even though people like Diane are always giving Sam a hard time about being stupid, he’s not actually stupid, not when it comes to people. He’s actually really smart. Plus, he stopped drinking and turned his life around. Stupid people wouldn’t be able to do that. Stupid people can’t see their way out of their own problems. But maybe Sam would have a mutt, because that would suit him too.
    I knew that Sam didn’t know that Gina was pregnant with me or else he never would have left. But one day soon I would find him, and he’d feel so sad and sorry for leaving and missing out on my whole life that maybe he would even get me a dog of my own. Sam would let me work at the bar sometimes. I’d help him polish glasses and change the kegs, and he’d let me bring the dog to work. The dog would sleep behind the bar or else rest his head in Coach’s lap. Rebecca wouldn’t like my dog at first—she’d complain about him all the time and she and Sam would fight about it—but eventually, she’d grow to love him. I’d teach him to sit and roll over and jump up and give me a hug and he’d be the best dog in the whole entire world.
    I thought about my dog for a good while and what I would name him, but I couldn’t decide without meeting him first. After a while I got out of my bunk and went downstairs.
    Meredith was sitting on the stairs drinking a can of Coke and reading Watership Down . I knew which book she had finally chosen, and I knew I would read it next. Because even if you don’t really know a person, you can sort of figure them out a bit by reading the samebooks they’ve read. I’m not exactly sure what makes girls pretty or women beautiful, but I could see that Meredith had it, whatever it was. Her eyes were green as grass and her face was a nice shape, not square or pug-like, just round and smooth and nice to look at. She wasn’t fat, but she wasn’t like the girl in the Calvin Klein commercials, either. She was solid, like a tree trunk. I went back upstairs, not because I had to, but because I wanted to pass by her again. She didn’t glance up or move over or anything and I wondered if I had been blending into my surroundings so well for so long that I had actually become invisible.

    My grade-six teacher at Niagara Elementary was Mr Zabriskie. He was old and had grey tufts of hair poking out the sides of his head like a koala bear. He wore brown cardigans and drank out of a coffee mug that smelled like Listerine. He was so boring that he even bored himself, and he yawned all the time. I think he was going deaf, too. Either