two drinks in front of him, one almost finished, the other untouched. I squeezed my way through the crowd, sat down and brought the beer toward me. âCheers,â I said, and he just nodded, his eyes fixed on someone over my shoulder. I turned and followed his gaze. He was watching a guy from the villageâa trawler fisherman called Prouseâtalking to a small group of men.
âWhere were you?â he asked. His eyes didnât leave the man.
âWhen?â
âI called you earlier and told you to come down to the village hall.â
âI was in the middle of something.â
His eyes flicked back to me. âReally?â
âIf that cop needs to talk to me, you told him where I live.â
âYou
were
listening to what I said, right?â
âYouâre not a cop anymore, Healy.â
He frowned. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âIt means you donât owe them anything. Itâs not your job to round up the suspects and throw them into the back of the van. Not for this Rocastle guy, not for anyone.â
âI know that.â
âDo you?â
He eyed me but didnât respond. Heâd become more controlled in the months since Iâd known him, but it was still hard for him to bite his tongue. He was used to hitting out, used to lying and misleading when he needed to, and this new lifeâmiles away from the city, miles from his ex-wife and two boysâwas new and probably, in its own way, quite daunting. This wasnât his playground. He wasnât operating from a position of strength. Heâd needed to get out of London because it was suffocating him; heâd been fired, he was still mourning the loss of his daughter, and he was on the verge of doing something rash in the days before I was attacked. After I was finally released from hospital, I needed to get away too, and I owed Healy my life, at least in part. So I offered him a room in the cottage my parents had left behind for me. I never put a time frame on itâI guess because I saw us driving each other insane inside a couple of weeksâbut somehow we were four months down the line and he was still here.
âYour woman called for you again,â he said, fiddling with the lid on his cigarette packet as wind pressed again at the walls of the pub. âYou ever gonna call her back?â
âYou seem to be handling it pretty well.â
He smirked. âThatâs cold.â
âItâs not cold.â
âWhat, you saying this is you all warm and fuzzy?â
âWhy are you even taking her calls?â
âBecause youâre not.â
I looked at him.
âShe started calling me when you stopped answering your phone.â He studied me, got no answer, and finished his pint. âSheâs desperate. What am I supposed to do?â
âStop taking her calls.â
âWhatâs wrong with speaking to her?â
âThis is
my
life.â
âI doubt sheâll call again, anyway,â he said after a while, shrugging. He pushed the pint glass away from him. âI told her you were gone and you werenât coming back.â
âWhy did you tell her that?â
âWell, thatâs pretty much whatâs happened, isnât it?â
Again, I remained silent. Iâd never talked to him about the reasons Liz and I had separated, and the reasons I could never go back to her, but sometimes it felt like heâd guessed. In the days before I got stabbed, Iâd started to realize she didnât understand why I did what I did, the debt I had to the missing, and I realized I couldnât face a future where all I did was fight with her about it. Healy got that partâbecause he was driven by the same kind of ghosts as meâbut while sometimes I felt the two of us were getting somewhere, able to understand each other, at other times heâd say something to me or look at me in a certain way, and