My Story: Lady Jane Grey (My Royal Story)

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Book: Read My Story: Lady Jane Grey (My Royal Story) for Free Online
Authors: Sue Reid
least I will be when I feel less miserable. As I write I can hear little Mary wail hungrily from the nursery. She does not understand that she is now motherless, poor little mite.

22 September 1548
Sudeley Castle
    I feel like an unwanted package, to be passed to and fro. First I learnt that the Admiral wished me to leave. Then he changed his mind but now my father demands my return. My mother has written to the Admiral too, so he has had to consent to my leaving. He is so burdened by grief I think he hardly knows what he does or says. I feel a bit afraid of him.
    It is not merely I who am to be sent away. Little Mary will soon be gone, too. Lady Suffolk promised the Queen before she died that she would take charge of her. That is what I am told, but I think that the Admiral cannot bear to see her. I have not once seen him go into the nursery since the Queen died. Elizabeth tries to comfort me but she is almost as grief-stricken as me. I nearly tripped over little Rig this morning. I picked him up, but he scampered straight back to the Queen’s chamber. I am afraid that he will pine away, so I put out a plate of food for him and tried to make him eat it. He sniffed at it then whimpered looking up at me. I gathered him into my arms and we sat there – I do not know how long. Nurse found me there, still cradling him.

25 September 1548
Sudeley Castle
    I am writing quickly while my bags are loaded on to the wagon. I have just bid my guardian farewell. I found him in the nursery when I went to see little Mary. It is the first time I have seen him there since the Queen died. He was bending over Mary’s cradle. A nurse was rocking it gently, crooning a lullaby. I stood by the door, not sure what to do. I was on the point of tiptoeing away when the nurse looked up. “The Lady Jane is here, my lord,” she told him.
    “Ah, Jane,” he said turning to me. “You are to go.” I curtsied and nodded. But he had already turned away, as if he had forgotten me. I felt my lips tremble. So, this was to be our parting. I could not bear it. Quite forgetting myself I began to sob. Suddenly I felt his arms come round me and we cried together.
    Elizabeth brought Rig to say farewell to me. “We have come to bid you God speed,” she said. I bent my head and Rig licked the tip of my nose.
    “Look after him,” I said anxiously. I stroked his soft ears.
    She nodded. “I promise.”
    “I will miss you,” I told her.
    “And I you,” she said.
    “Will we always be friends?” I asked her.
    “Always,” she said. She put Rig down and hugged me. It is the one happy memory I take away with me.

30 September 1548
Bradgate Park
    I am home. But I wish I were not. I wish I were anywhere but here.
    I thought they would show me sympathy. I thought they would share my grief. My mother was the Queen’s friend and as I curtsied to her I saw plainly the marks of sorrow on her face. I wanted to run to her and cry in her arms. But they did not even mention her.
    “She has grown a little,” Mother said to my father – as if I wasn’t there.
    “She is very accomplished,” my father said.
    “Hmm. She has been treated too softly, it is easy to tell,” Mother replied. I felt angry. Can they not understand how I feel?
    I had a warmer greeting from my sister Katherine. Little Mary – it hurts to say that name, it reminds me of the Admiral’s baby – hid behind her nurse when she saw me. It is nearly two years since she last saw me, and she did not recognize me. She was only an infant when I left. She is too ungainly to walk easily, but has the loveliest smile.
    Katherine hugged me. “Are you very sad?” she asked. I nodded, feeling tears begin to trickle down my nose. She ran to fetch her pet monkey. She put him on her shoulder and made him do tricks to cheer me. I think we will be friends.

14 October 1548
Bradgate Park
    I was astonished to hear Sir John Harington’s voice in the hall today. I long to know why he came. Does the Admiral still

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