shoulder as he started to turn away. “You know bloody well that isn’t how it works. You’re not ‘done.’ You took the vow. The Order is for life.”
“Says who? Virgil? He’s dead.” Nick looked down at Beau’s hand grasping his coat. Then he shook his head. “No. I’ve given enough for King and country. I can’t do it anymore. I just want out.”
“Nick, you can’t mean this.”
“Oh, but I do!” he retorted. “It’s time for me to start looking out for myself. Not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouth, Beauchamp.”
“Oh God, Nick.” The blood drained from his face. “You got into trouble at the gaming tables again.”
“We all have our vices. Don’t try to play the saint with me! You of all people. You and your women. But no matter. I’ve found a solution. There are people out there willing to pay large sums of gold for a chap with my talents.” He held up his gun and smiled.
Beau stared at him in shock. “You’ve turned mercenary?” A new thought gripped him. He stepped toward Nick more aggressively. “ Where is Trevor, exactly? He’d never go along with this. However disillusioned you may be, he would never quit. What have you done with him?”
“Now, now—”
“I swear, if you’ve harmed him, so help me—”
“Nothing is going to happen to Trevor as long as you call off your dogs,” Nick replied in an oh-so-reasonable tone. He held his stare in warning. “Just let me go, Beau, and forget we ever had this conversation. Write me off for dead in the Order’s casualty rolls for all I care. It’s not like anyone’s going to miss me.”
“Nick! Write you off for dead?” He was so astonished at what he was hearing, he could barely speak. “Have you lost your mind?”
“My shirt, is more like it. You should mark me down as fallen.” He nodded. “It’ll be easiest that way.”
“I’m not going to lie to the Order for you! Look, if it’s a matter of money, I can lend you—”
“No! Thank you—but no. No more of your charity, generous as you are. You were always a true friend to me, Beauchamp. That’s why I came to say this to your face.”
Beau’s heart slammed in his chest as he stared at Nick in disbelief. “What, that you’re a traitor?”
“No, I’m not a traitor, I just want out,” he answered wearily.
“We’re all tired, Nick, believe me. But this is so close to being over. If you could just wait—”
“It’s no use. I have to go.” He turned away.
“I’m afraid I can’t allow that.” He cocked his pistol and aimed it at his friend, ignoring the anguish of having no choice but to do so.
Nick looked back at him, glanced at the gun, then met his gaze with a hard, challenging stare. “You really want to do this, brother?”
“I keep my vows,” he said quietly.
Nick sighed and stared up at the sky. “Beau, Beau. You always were the true believer, weren’t you? Bloody flower o’ chivalry. We were only boys when we were recruited. What choice did we ever have?”
“The Order is our heritage. And our duty.”
He laughed softly and looked at the ground. “You are so amusing. God.” He shook his head. “I don’t have time for this. Good-bye.”
“I’ll shoot you if I have to.”
“Don’t you get it? None of this is worth it. You weren’t there, Beau. When Trevor got shot, I thought we’d lost him. Fortunately, he’s strong, and he survived. But the moment I saw him get hit, that was the last straw for me. Do you think those bastards farther up the chain of command give a damn about what happens to any of us?”
He swallowed hard. “Nick, we need you in the fight.”
“Sorry, I guess I’m just not as selfless as the rest of you. I’m only in London on a job. Tell the others whatever you deem best, team leader. I’ll stay out of your way, and theirs, if you’ll stay out of mine. Maybe I’ll go off and live on an island somewhere once I’ve made my fortune,” he added with a rueful half smile.