My Life Without Garlic

Read My Life Without Garlic for Free Online

Book: Read My Life Without Garlic for Free Online
Authors: Bailey Bradford
Tags: Erotic Romance Fiction
instead. “Zombies are real?”
    He nodded slightly, wary of Augustin’s reaction.
    It was kind of predictable—the same way Tony had reacted when he’d found out about the existence of the true living dead. There weren’t many of them, and they weren’t big on human brains, but they did exist.
    Augustin blanched, looking horrified. “Ew. That’s— Maybe vampires aren’t as dead as zombies, but I still want mouthwash.”
    Tony wanted another kiss. “I’m not dead. You can… You can kiss me.”
    “I shouldn’t, because you sure as hell aren’t alive, either.” Augustin’s gaze darted to Tony’s lips. “Then again, my last boyfriend was a living, breathing, heaping pile of shit, and I have already had my tongue in your mouth…”
    All sound reasoning to Tony, and apparently to Augustin, too, because he finally closed the distance between them and kissed Tony with a flood of need that threatened to turn him inside out.
    Yet it didn’t surprise him when Augustin ended the kiss after a few seconds.
    Augustin sat up and wiped his mouth. “The hell is wrong with me? I have Stockholm syndrome, that’s what it is. Or it’s that vampire brainwashing voodoo crap.” He glared, an expression Tony was quite familiar with on the guy. “You’re making me want you. I’ve never been kinky at all, and necrophilia—”
    Tony surprised himself with the roar he let loose. “I’m not dead!”
    “Calm your tits,” Augustin said, “and put your damned fangs away. I swear to God, if I find a fingernail file anywhere around…”
    “You’ll stake me with it?” Tony asked, unreasonably hurt by the idea.
    Augustin got off him and cursed as he untangled the bedding from his legs. “No, I guess I won’t. You made me nice, asshole.”
    Tony didn’t think he’d ever stop laughing over that accusation.
     

Chapter Nine
     
     
     
    Well, he apparently wasn’t going to be devoured, or sucked dry. Augustin shivered a little at that thought, because yeah, he could deal with some sucking, that was for sure.
    But Tony had laughed—which had been pretty amazing to see and hear, not that Augustin would ever say so— then left the room shortly thereafter, saying he had things to take care of.
    “I am so glad he didn’t think he could take care of me. As if,” Augustin huffed. He flopped over onto his stomach. And blinked. “Really? What kind of stupid vampires put their captives in a room with a wooden headboard? I could—” He closed his mouth, but his mind was racing. Tony might be sexy, and kiss like no one else could, and he might have a perfect body and a nice, thick-feeling cock.
    He was still a vampire, and he’d helped bring Augustin to wherever the hell he was, against his will.
    And here Augustin had been weaving horny little slut-boy fantasies about the oaf. God, he was so screwed up.
    “I’m blaming Jim. He was a shitty enough boyfriend to scar anyone for life.” Augustin tapped the headboard. It really was wood. He sat up and examined it closely. The majority of it was a solid piece of wood, smoothed, sanded, varnished. He didn’t think he could peel off a splinter, much less tear off a stake.
    But the sides of the headboard had slender pieces of wood on them. If he could free them from the metal framing them in, then find something to sharpen the tips with…
    “Considering the morons holding me here, there’s probably an ax and a whetstone in the nightstand. Maybe even a chainsaw.” Augustin opened the top draw and saw nothing but lube. “What the fuck do they think’s gonna happen in here? Presumptuous bastards!”
    He slammed that drawer shut and opened the bottom one. Augustin’s eyes bulged. “What. The. Fuck?” His dick perked up even as he tried to be indignant. “Who would even—?” He plucked up a thick, silver dildo, still in its package. “King Kong Dong. Well, no shit. Jesus.” It was huge, entirely too big for use, except to maybe bludgeon someone to death with. He opened

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