Read My Brilliant Idea (And How It Caused My Downfall) for Free Online

“Help me to do what?”
    â€œTo see Drew,” I say. “To see him . . . unrobed.” And I can tell I’ve finally got her interest. Her ears go kind of red, and a little muscle starts twitching at the side of her eye.
    â€œReally?” she says.
    â€œIf you want.”
    She covers her mouth with her hand. A couple of randoms squeeze past us to get into the classroom, then start laughing when they’re in there.
    â€œBut what would you want in return?” she asks.
    â€œNothing,” I say. “Well, nothing much. Definitely not twenty years of your life. Maybe you could, I don’t know, do a little bit of programming for me or something. A bit of Objective-C.”
    She waves her hand as if to say that means nothing, and we stand and look at each other. My heart suddenly starts racing. It’s going to happen. The idea is going to fly. In my delirium I even notice that she’s quite pretty, when you just look at her and don’t see all the medieval finery.
    â€œNo tricks, though,” she says. “No photographs of him or videos or drawings or glimpses through a window. He has to be there. In the room. And so do I.”
    I nod.
    â€œOkay,” I say. “And the programming . . .”
    â€œAfter it happens,” Elsie says. “If you make this happen and it isn’t a scam, I’ll program whatever you want.”
    â€œElsie!” her teacher shouts from inside the classroom. “Would you do us the honor of joining the class? Please come inside and close the door.”
    Greensleeves rolls her eyes, and I tell her it’ll happen. No question. I turn to watch a bunch of first-year girls giggling their way toward us, and when I turn back she’s gone. She’s disappeared into the class and the door’s been closed.
    â€œIs she your girlfriend?” a girl with a squeaky voice asks me, and I shake my head.
    â€œShe’s weird,” another one says.
    â€œI think she
is
your girlfriend,” the squeaky one tells me, and they all crease up, but I don’t really care. I’m untouchable. I’m flexing my wings. Getting ready to fly.

7
    For once, there’s no threat of the Regular Madness at home tonight. I go downstairs prepared for it, but it turns out Mum’s working late, and it’s just me and Dad for dinner. Unfortunately, that clears a space for an entirely new form of madness I haven’t experienced before, and it starts with what we’re having to eat.
    â€œThat all right for you?” Dad asks as he puts my plate down in front of me. It turns out to be cold pizza and peas. Is that a thing? I’m not sure if the pizza had been warm and just got cold sitting on the plate or if he didn’t cook it enough in the first place. The peas are boiling hot. So hot I get a blister on my tongue with the first mouthful. He’s spilled quite a lot of pea water onto the plate as well, so the pizza has the added attraction of being all soggy as well as cold.
    â€œPizza and peas,” he explains as he sits down at his own spot.
    â€œIs that a thing?” I ask him.
    â€œIt is now,” he says.
    The radio is playing very loudly. That’s the only way he can hear it, but he doesn’t seem to have much interest in listening to it anyway. He seems much more intent on “bonding” with me, now that it’s just the two of us.
    â€œI’ll have a word with Frank Carberry about you in the morning,” he says, obviously quite a fan of cold pizza, judging by the way he’s wolfing it down. “Don’t tell your mum, though. There’s bound to be something for you at the factory. Bound to be. Don’t get yourself too worked up about those exams.”
    â€œOkay,” I say.
    â€œStill struggling with them?” he asks.
    â€œI haven’t had any yet,” I tell him. “I’ll probably be okay.”
    â€œNot if you’re anything like