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smelled like old
ladies.
    “Do you want some coconut oil?” asked Hayley.
“Hold up your hair, I’ll do your back.”
    I lifted my straggly ponytail and watched her
crimson fingernails skim over my neck. Out of the corner of my eye,
I could see her rings twinkling in the sun; two silver snakes
entwined around her thumb and the diamond on her ring finger.
Sometimes, I wanted to be like Hayley so much it hurt. I looked
down proudly at my shiny brown shoulders and pulled on my sun
hat.
    “Do you like my hat?” I asked.
    For my thirteenth birthday, Sarah had taken
me shopping in Cairns. The hat I had chosen was narrow brimmed
straw with big yellow sunflowers across the band. Mum said it was
gaudy and tasteless, but I loved it.
    Hayley clicked the sunscreen closed and slid
the bottle back into her beach bag. “I like it a lot. Is it
new?”
    I nodded. “Birthday present.”
    Hayley straightened her towel and lay back on
her elbows. I looked out over the crowded pool. Justin was bouncing
through the water with his arms stretched out to the side.
    “Marco!” screeched Rachel.
    I pried a strand of my hair out of Oliver’s
fist. “Hayley?” I began.
    “Abby?”
    “Do you think I’m pretty?”
    She peered at me through large round
sunglasses. “I think you’re very pretty.” She smiled as the baby
let out a loud wet gurgle. “So does Ollie.”
    I giggled and patted his soft red hat. “Do
you think I could get this guy to ask me out?”
    “The mystery man again, hey? Why don’t you
ask him out? This is the nineties after all.”
    I chewed my lip. “Did you ask Andrew
out?”
    “No, he asked me,” she admitted. “But I’ve
asked guys out before.”
    I always thought it would be easy if I was
like Hayley. Everything went right for her. It hadn’t occurred to
me then that maybe having a baby at twenty hadn’t been part of her
grand plan. I just assumed Oliver, like Andrew and everything else
around her, was part of her perfectly executed life path; a path
that came easily to beautiful people like her.
    If I was that beautiful, I thought, I could
ask Justin out and know he’d say yes. I wished I had that kind of
self-assurance, so I could wear my sunflower hat without worrying
that it looked tasteless, or sing along to the radio when my
favourite song came on.
    Hayley was never shy like that. She and
Andrew even kissed in public. Mum said it made her look like a
tramp.
    “You remember that when you get a boyfriend,
Abigail,” she said. “No-one wants to see what should be kept in the
bedroom.”
    But I secretly hoped I’d have the guts to
kiss my boyfriends in public. I longed to be as confident in the
rest of my life as I was up on stage playing my violin.
    Oliver made a face as though he was about to
throw up and I gave him back to Hayley.
    “So who’s the guy?” she asked. “Do I know
him?”
    “It’s a secret,” I said, suddenly
embarrassed. I began to bury my feet. Sand lodged under my
fingernails.
    “Come on,” Hayley sung. “I can keep a secret.
If I guess and get it right, will you tell me?” She reminded me of
a less irritating version of Rachel, and the thought made me
smile.
    “Okay.”
    She sat up in interest. “Is he at the rock
pool right now?”
    “Maybe.”
    She began to point to various randoms hanging
around the pool, trying to outdo each other with the size of the
splash they made when they hit the water and the amount of fluoro
on their board shorts.
    “Is it that guy? … No, wait, I bet it’s him…
Oh no, definitely that guy in pink.” She clutched my arm suddenly.
“I know, it’s Andrew, isn’t it. You have a great big crush on your
violin teacher!”
    “Damn, you guessed,” I giggled.
    We were still laughing when Andrew returned,
dripping from the pool.
    “What’s so funny?” he asked, splattering
water over us as he reached into Hayley’s bag for a towel.
    “Nothing,” I said quickly.
    Andrew took Oliver into the pool with him and
I went to play Marco