and you know what that means!”
I kept a straight face, but yeah, I knew that particular senator would have a member of his staff give me a call. The senator was a very senior member of the U.S. Senate. He had been around so long he probably had shaken every hand in the state, and the Postal Service was one of his charges that he watched closely.
“Of course that’s your privilege,” I said civilly. I was determined not to throw any embers on the fire. Let him have his rant.
“Damn right it is,” he said, giving me the hard eye.
I waited. Finally, seeing I wasn’t going to start a war, he grumbled about the newspapers and left. I wiped beads of sweat from my forehead. Why in hell had I taken this job? Well, no use crying, I was here now. I went back to doing paperwork, which meant punching on the computer.
* * *
Come evening, I went back to the motel and called Jeanette. I needed someone to lay my problems on. In our marriage we had learned, maybe unconsciously, to let the person with the most problems speak first. This night I won, if you want to call it that— hands down. So I proceeded to tell her of the day’s events, how Martha, the polished union steward, handled John Crouch, whom Jeanette knew, to Mr. George Grosse and his tirade when we returned his lost package.
“I’m not sure what I’m doing here, Jeanette. The village is so peaceful and quiet. I need a place that doesn’t add to my soul’s baggage,” I said.
I could almost see her nodding.
“Oh, yes, you are. You remember what Father Markoff said, don’t you? How this is to be a test, to check on how you’re doing as a human. You were getting lazy here. Maybe God wants you to grow and . . . ” She paused here, as if afraid to go on.
I jumped into her thoughts.
“You mean, to cure myself?”
Her answer came; so quiet I could barely hear her.
“Yes.”
“Then, I probably have a ways to go,” I said, wanting a little pity.
“Um . . . perhaps. But whether you go sideways or up, you will grow, Leo Bronski.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I loved her for her faith in me. My heart swelled.
“You know what, babe? Right now I’d love to get you on your naked tummy and rub baby oil all over your back.”
There was a moment’s pause. “Oh, Leo . . . ” Another pause and a deep breath. “You are a rascal, but I love you. You remember that. Please be careful. Watch out for . . . for human nature.”
She didn’t have to say anything more. I knew what she was talking about. And that was parties, booze, and women. Married man or not, I was prone to look at the opposite sex in ways I should not. Out in the small Western Alaskan town of Howes Bluff, I had gotten away from all that, substituting instead the village, church, and family activities. Now, I was away from the encircling love and tradition. And so, with heartfelt emotion, I said, “I will, Jeanette, I will.”
After a few more endearments, we hung up leaving me thinking about the reality of life and how we have to cope with it, no matter what our personal afflictions might be. Here I was on the far side of fifty and I still had to fight my personal wars. Wars that I didn’t need. Wars that should have been solved a long time ago. But maybe that showed how gullible and naive I really was.
After dinner in the motel restaurant, I went to bed maybe a little proud of myself for staying away from a pre-dinner drink. My gut told me I was crowing a little too soon. Then the dreams came of Vietnam and what I did and didn’t do over there. Why couldn’t they go away and leave me in peace? “Jeanette,” I whispered to the dark, pretending she was there, “I need you here.”
Chapter 5
Another restless night. I glanced at the bedside clock. Crap! 5:00 a.m. Did I get up or force myself to stay in bed until at least 5:30? Knowing I wouldn’t get back to sleep, I decided to get up and face the day. It didn’t help, of course, when I