Read Mrs. Ted Bliss for Free Online Page B
Authors: Stanley Elkin
and fired her. Manny, from the building, had been a lawyer before retiring and moving to Florida, and Mrs. Bliss told him that the kids thought she needed representation. Just using the word sounded dangerous in her mouth, and important.
He told her up front that he had been strictly a real estate lawyer, that he really knew nothing about the sort of thing Dorothy was involved with. “Besides,” he said, “I’m retired. I practiced in Michigan. I don’t even know if Michigan and Florida have, whadayacall it, reciprocity.”
“What’s reciprocity?” Mrs. Bliss asked.
Manny came to see her an hour later and told her he had called a man he knew, a registrar of deeds in the Dade County Courthouse.
“You know what?” he said. “He told me I have it.” He seemed very excited. “I’m going to take your case,” he told her solemnly.
“Ma,” Maxine said when she learned Mrs. Bliss had fired the attorney she and her brother had obtained for her, “do you think that’s such a good idea? No offense, Mother, but do you really believe Manny is up to this? These are people from the Justice Department, federal people. Can Manny go one on one with these people?”
“Manny’s no fool.”
“If it’s the money—”
“Of course it’s the money,” Mrs. Bliss said. “You know what she charges? Two hundred fifty dollars an hour!”
“Ma, Ma,” Maxine said, “this guy is a big-time Venezuelan cocaine kingpin.”
“He’s a farmer. ”
“Mother, he’s a drug lord! They want to put you on the stand so you can identify him as the man who bought Daddy’s car from you. You’re a very important government witness. I’m not even talking about the emotional strain, what going through all that stress could do to a person half your age and with a much better blood pressure. I don’t mean to scare you, Ma, but Frank and I are concerned“—she lowered her voice; Dorothy had to press her left ear tight against the receiver to hear her—“what these people could do to you.”
“Sweetheart, sweetheart,” Mrs. Bliss said, “your daddy, olov hasholem, is dead two years. Two years I’ve been without him. A lifetime. Who’s left to share Marvin’s death with me? Who’s around to miss him? What trouble can your kingpin make for me?”
Manny couldn’t get her out of it. He gave it his best effort, pulled out all the stops, tried tricks he’d learned in thirty-five years of real estate law in the great state of Michigan when clients required additional time before they could move into their new homes or out of their old ones. He brought a note to the government from Mrs. Bliss’s doctors. He had her put a dying battery into her hearing aid when she went to be deposed, but these federal boys knew their onions. They wrote their questions out on yellow, lined, 9 X 14-inch legal pads and handed them to her.
Dorothy put on her glasses.
“Wait, hold your horses a minute. Those ain’t her reading glasses.”
“Does he have to be here?” asked one of the lawyers.
“Behave yourself, Pop,” said another.
In the end, when she was finally called and sworn, she was very calm. She had no great wish to harm this man, she bore him no grudge. Indeed, she was even tempted to perjure herself on his behalf, but thought better of it when she realized the signals this might send to her neighbors in the Towers. So she drew a deep breath and implicated him. She was very careful, however, to point out what a gentleman he’d been, how he’d brought her roses that were still fresh as a daisy after more than a week, and recalled for the jury the lovely drive he had taken her on through Coconut Grove and Miami.
Chitral was sentenced to one hundred years. Dorothy felt terrible about that, just terrible. And although she was told they would have had more than enough to convict him even without her testimony, she was never quite reconciled to the fact that she had damaged him. She asked her lawyer (on the day of her appearance
He told her up front that he had been strictly a real estate lawyer, that he really knew nothing about the sort of thing Dorothy was involved with. “Besides,” he said, “I’m retired. I practiced in Michigan. I don’t even know if Michigan and Florida have, whadayacall it, reciprocity.”
“What’s reciprocity?” Mrs. Bliss asked.
Manny came to see her an hour later and told her he had called a man he knew, a registrar of deeds in the Dade County Courthouse.
“You know what?” he said. “He told me I have it.” He seemed very excited. “I’m going to take your case,” he told her solemnly.
“Ma,” Maxine said when she learned Mrs. Bliss had fired the attorney she and her brother had obtained for her, “do you think that’s such a good idea? No offense, Mother, but do you really believe Manny is up to this? These are people from the Justice Department, federal people. Can Manny go one on one with these people?”
“Manny’s no fool.”
“If it’s the money—”
“Of course it’s the money,” Mrs. Bliss said. “You know what she charges? Two hundred fifty dollars an hour!”
“Ma, Ma,” Maxine said, “this guy is a big-time Venezuelan cocaine kingpin.”
“He’s a farmer. ”
“Mother, he’s a drug lord! They want to put you on the stand so you can identify him as the man who bought Daddy’s car from you. You’re a very important government witness. I’m not even talking about the emotional strain, what going through all that stress could do to a person half your age and with a much better blood pressure. I don’t mean to scare you, Ma, but Frank and I are concerned“—she lowered her voice; Dorothy had to press her left ear tight against the receiver to hear her—“what these people could do to you.”
“Sweetheart, sweetheart,” Mrs. Bliss said, “your daddy, olov hasholem, is dead two years. Two years I’ve been without him. A lifetime. Who’s left to share Marvin’s death with me? Who’s around to miss him? What trouble can your kingpin make for me?”
Manny couldn’t get her out of it. He gave it his best effort, pulled out all the stops, tried tricks he’d learned in thirty-five years of real estate law in the great state of Michigan when clients required additional time before they could move into their new homes or out of their old ones. He brought a note to the government from Mrs. Bliss’s doctors. He had her put a dying battery into her hearing aid when she went to be deposed, but these federal boys knew their onions. They wrote their questions out on yellow, lined, 9 X 14-inch legal pads and handed them to her.
Dorothy put on her glasses.
“Wait, hold your horses a minute. Those ain’t her reading glasses.”
“Does he have to be here?” asked one of the lawyers.
“Behave yourself, Pop,” said another.
In the end, when she was finally called and sworn, she was very calm. She had no great wish to harm this man, she bore him no grudge. Indeed, she was even tempted to perjure herself on his behalf, but thought better of it when she realized the signals this might send to her neighbors in the Towers. So she drew a deep breath and implicated him. She was very careful, however, to point out what a gentleman he’d been, how he’d brought her roses that were still fresh as a daisy after more than a week, and recalled for the jury the lovely drive he had taken her on through Coconut Grove and Miami.
Chitral was sentenced to one hundred years. Dorothy felt terrible about that, just terrible. And although she was told they would have had more than enough to convict him even without her testimony, she was never quite reconciled to the fact that she had damaged him. She asked her lawyer (on the day of her appearance