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hear Dad yelling but I can’t stop crying. I feel him wrap me in my blanket and put me back on the sofa and I feel his arm around me as he sits next to me in the dark. The ringing in my ears finally stops but then the phone rings.
    I feel Dad get up and watch him disappear into the kitchen. He comes running back into the living room and turns on the TV and stands there looking at it. He breathes heavily.
    The man on Fox Five News has a microphone in his hand and is talking in front of a brick building. I’m at the courthouse where the remaining killer from the Virginia Dare Middle School shooting has just had his preliminary hearing. The hearing found that there’s enough evidence against him to be put on trial for the murders of teacher Roberta Schneider and young students Julieanne Morris and Devon Smith. That horrific shooting was a devastating blow to this small community—oh! There he is! The picture jumps around wildly until it’s on a boy in an orange suit with police all around him. He doesn’t look much older than Devon. Mr. Fox Five News shouts as he pushes his microphone past a crowd of people, What do you have to say for yourself? The boy in orange stares into the camera and grins a half smile. Then he lifts his handcuffed hands and gives a thumbs-up sign. Dad goes to the bathroom and throws up. The camera switches to a lady sitting inside at the news desk. She says, We’ll hear more about this story later but isn’t it good that we now have closure?
    I suck my sleeve. I don’t think there is anything good about any of it. And I wonder how CLOsure can help. And what it is. When Dad comes back to the living room and turns off the TV I ask him, What is CLOsure? He says he has to call a neighbor but when Mrs. Robbins comes over he forgets to ask her what closure means. He just says she is going to take care of me because he has a headache and needs to take a shower. I wonder if it is one of the crying showers. I close my eyes.
    I can see the light come on through my eyelids and I hear a creaking sound and then Mrs. Robbins’s shaky voice. Can I get you something Caitlin? Hot chocolate? Warm milk?
    My Dictionary.
    Dictionary?
    Yes.
    Oh. I was thinking of—
    PLEASE.
    More creaking. Okay dear.
    I look up CLOsure and it says: the state of experiencing an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event such as the death of loved one. I do not know how to get to the state of experiencing an emotional conclusion so I ask Mrs. Robbins, How do I get to the state of experiencing an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event?
    Her mouth opens and closes three times and makes a squeaky noise. Excuse me, she says, and runs into the kitchen but I can hear her blowing her nose and now I can hear Dad crying in the shower so I put my purple fleece over my head and close my eyes and plug my ears and with my elbows I squeeze my Dictionary tight against my chest.

CHAPTER 12
    CLOSURE
    I WAIT ALL MORNING FOR MY MRS. Brook time. I run-walk to her room because of No Running In The Halls. I push the door open without even knocking and ask, How do I get to the state of experiencing an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event?
    She stands up from the round table. What do you mean?
    Closure, I say. I’m talking about Closure. How do I find it?
    Sit down Caitlin. Is this . . . are you talking about the news? The boy from the shooting?
    I nod about a hundred times because she is a little slow Getting It today.
    This is very stressful for our entire community. We’re all looking for Closure.
    I Look At The Person. But she’s not answering my question.
    Come sit down.
    I’m still standing.
    Okay , says Mrs. Brook, I’ll sit. She puts her hands in front of her on the table and clasps them together. She takes a deep breath and lets it out. Slowly. She closes her eyes.
    Is she praying? This isn’t church, I remind her.
    I know. I’m thinking. She scratches the part in her hair then puts her hands together again. Sometimes