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it,” Shirley said as cheerfully as she could muster.
    â€œI’m starving !” Naomi proclaimed. “Why not a big chicken casserole for starters? I’ll help.”
    â€œYou’ll have to ask Mamm .” Shirley kept her face turned away. She would love to make a big supper tonight, but big suppers were kept as a Friday-night special. This was part of the frugality written into every area of the Yoder household. Naomi knew this, but obviously hope sprang eternal for the schoolgirl.
    Moments later Shirley could hear subdued voices coming from the living room. She paused to listen. The low murmur of voices reached her ears.
    â€œHe just passed this morning.”
    Deducing that Miriam was telling the children the news of Mr. Bland’s death, Shirley was relieved the talk wasn’t about her. She busied herself with supper preparations. They would have simple potato soup and crackers tonight. That would nourish the large Yoder family, although it would be a far cry from the supper Naomi had envisioned. Naomi was like Miriam in accepting the family’s state of affairs. Those two not only wanted to be good, they were good. She, on the other hand, still hadvisions of Jonas and his sporty car in her head. And, worse than that, she could envision Jonas in his daett ’s big house in the well-to-do neighborhood between Berlin and Sugarcreek. No doubt their dinner tonight would be a roast…or maybe even steak. Probably mashed potatoes and gravy and dessert, such as pecan pie and homemade cherry ice cream.
    Shirley stared out the kitchen window, ignoring the murmur of conversation continuing behind her. If Daett knew how strong her desires were, what would he do? Maybe she should make a full confession tonight. But look at the trouble the partial one had already caused! A lecture from her daett over what she’d already confessed wasn’t something she looked forward to. But maybe if she submitted to his words and will, her soul would be washed of all her wrong desires and she’d become a gut girl like Miriam and Naomi. Shaking her head, Shirley tried to make herself believe she accepted difficulties—like the lack of money—as the will of the Lord for her. But she didn’t, and it was an awful state to find oneself in. And apparently nothing was going to change in the near future. She decided she would listen with meekness to what Daett had to say tonight and go from there.
    Naomi reappeared, sober-faced now from the news about Mr. Bland. She didn’t comment on Shirley’s supper preparations. Either Mamm had turned her down or Naomi had never asked. “That’s sad about Mr. Bland,” Naomi finally said. “I think it’s harder on Miriam than she’s letting on.”
    â€œShe’s had a hard day,” Shirley offered. She almost added “in part because of me,” but she’d already confessed enough for one day.
    â€œMiriam didn’t say when the funeral was.” Naomi wiped a tear from her eye. “It’s all so very sad.” Naomi’s voice took on amore cheerful tone. “One gut thing happened though. We have a new couple in the community. Ivan Mast took Laura Swartz home on Sunday night.”
    But Miriam wants him , Shirley almost said aloud. She held back. Naomi wouldn’t learn of Miriam’s disappointment from her.
    â€œI’m so happy for them,” Naomi shared.
    Shirley forced a happy tone into her voice. “Love is always a gut thing.”
    Naomi glowed. “I hope the Lord has such a decent man for me someday.”
    â€œI’m sure He does,” Shirley said, hoping the same about herself.

Chapter Six

    L ater that evening, after the sun had set and the gas lantern hanging from the ceiling hissed above them, Shirley sat on the couch in the living room with her hands in her lap. Supper, devotions, and the dishes were finished. The younger children and older boys were upstairs.