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to revisit. The relationship with Molly wasn’t love or lust,
it was just about being with the person you are with. But I think
Leah will be OK if I am friends — and just friends — with
Molly. 
    When the nurse leaves, Leah and I discuss me
coming home. She tells me the house is as it was when I left. She
tells me that so I have time to prepare myself to see Jamie’s room
as she left it. She cries and tells me with losing her and then me,
it was just too much. She also tells me she knew I would return,
she just didn’t know when.
    Leah
    I remember that when I woke up from my coma
it took me awhile before I remembered who I was. It also took me a
while for me to learn where I was. Robert’s parents and my parents
were in the room with me. The chaplain of the hospital came in my
room while my family told me about losing Jamie in the car
accident. Robert’s parents shamelessly hung their heads as they
told me that their son walked out of my life. I knew Robert did
that because he couldn’t face me. It didn’t make it any easier, but
I knew the reason. I would have never blamed him for the accident
as I would never blame his parents for him leaving me. He loved
Jamie as much as I did.
    The day I went home from the
hospital someone stayed with me every day and every night. I walked
into the house and everything that belonged to Jamie was put away.
Her shoes, her toys, and even her drawings on the refrigerator were
no longer in sight. The only things left were the family pictures
and portraits hanging on the wall or scattered around the house in
various picture frames. I walked up the stairs and Jamie’s bedroom
door was closed. I remember walking past it, with tears in my eyes,
as I ran my fingers gently across the door. I couldn’t go in; I
didn’t want to. Although she has been gone for several
months, it has only been a few days for me.
I mourned the loss of my daughter and I mourned the loss of my
husband. Life isn’t fair, I thought. 
    Robert and I did everything we were supposed
to as parents. Jamie had the safest baby bed, stroller, and car
seat that money could buy, she went to the doctor’s as she was
supposed to, and she never missed her vaccinations. Polio has been
mostly eradicated because of vaccines. In my opinion, parents can
love their children but still kill their children by not
vaccinating them. Vaccines are an easy way to help ensure your
child’s long-term health and Robert and I did our part to make sure
our Jamie was healthy. The accident that claimed Jamie’s life had
nothing to do with Robert’s and my parenting skills.
    The first time I went to the cemetery, I
made my parents wait for me in the car. I walked up to the
tombstone that both sets of Jamie’s grandparents chose for her,
carrying a bouquet of wildflowers. I chose wildflowers because I
felt like my life was nothing but a wild ride. Jamie was too young
to have a favorite flower, so I got her a variety. The tombstone
was beautiful, made of black granite with gold lettering. I stayed
there for I have no idea how long. I prayed to Jamie or to God and
asked them to bring my Robert home to me. I had no idea how to move
on without either of them. 
    I very seldom left the house and I took my
anti-depressants as prescribed. I have no idea how I functioned
every day. After a couple months, I insisted everyone leave. The
anti-depressants were working, and I came to terms that this is the
best that it will get. Time will have to heal the rest of me. I
went to church as often as I could and believed that my Robert
would come back to me.
    When Robert started making a
substantial amount of money from boxing, we bought a house and
invested in an annuity that started paying out right away so that
we would have a monthly income for the rest of our lives. I was
surprised when Robert left that he didn’t take anything with him.
No money and no personal property except for Jack Rabbit. The annuity was in my name. I was always better
with