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banking.
Suggesting to her that she really ought to leave work and do an access course so that she could go to university and get a degree.
Attempting to convince her after an evening of SingStar that she had a great voice and that she should leave work and put all her efforts into getting onto X-Factor .
Moving objects on her desk when she wasn’t looking and then telling her it was the work of the office poltergeist.
Hiding all her work clothes and then denying knowing anything about it when she found them under the bed in the spare bedroom.
Introducing her to Keith on Reception in the hope that having daily talks with the world’s most boring man would make her think twice about coming to work.
Writing her letters from a secret office admirer called “Mr X” whose all-time favourite film was Police Academy 5, which he claimed to have seen 2,388 times.
Buying her a copy of the Rough Guide to Australia and suggesting that they both leave work and go travelling.
Turning off the air conditioning in the office on the warmest day of the year so far.
Getting his mate Tom in the Advance Planning Team to call Emma up for a fake interview for a fake job on the eighth floor in the hope that it might inspire her to think about other jobs.
    When Emma turned down the fake job – by telling her fake interviewer that that she couldn’t leave the fourth floor because she was having such a good time working with her boyfriend – Ian decided to pull out the big guns. And ask Emma if she wanted to start a family.
    “You do realise that this is the single maddest thing you have ever done?” said Amar once Ian had finished telling him the plan. “How can you think it’s okay to bring a child into the world just so that you don’t have to work with your missus? I mean, what are you going to tell the little nipper when he’s older and asks you why you wanted a baby? You’ll be kissing any half-decent Father’s Day presents goodbye if he finds out the answer is ‘because your mum was driving me crazy.’ Mate, I know this is a great place to work but why don’t you just get another job?”
    “Because I like this job and I saw it first,” whined Ian.
    “You sound like a big baby . . . Oh, wait a second. You’re not the baby here, are you? That’s right, you’re going to make one instead, just so you don’t have to sit next to your girlfriend day in day out.”
    “Okay,” snapped Ian. “You tell me what I should do. I love this job and I love Emma. Now, because of a whole bunch of stuff outside my control, I have to choose between being with Emma but unhappy at work or being at work but unhappy without Emma. Because you know what? She will leave me if I tell her that I can’t stand working with her. She’d never forgive me in a million years.”
    “So the answer is to have a baby is it?”
    Ian looked down at his shoes. “No, of course it isn’t.”
    “Good lad,” said Amar. “You know it makes sense.”
    ********
    Later that day, having just got back from his second trip of the afternoon to the shop for a packet of crisps, Ian sat down and looked at Emma.
    “Babe,” he began, “you know all that stuff I said this morning about wanting to start a family? I know you said you’d think about it but . . .”
    Emma smiled and put a finger up to his lips. “You don’t need to say a single word, sweetheart. I know what you’re going to say and I feel it too. Of course we want kids but now’s not the right time is it?” Emma took hold of Ian’s hand. “Are you okay?”
    “Yeah, of course I am,” he lied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
    “It’s just that lately I’ve been feeling like you’re really unsettled. This past month or so all you’ve done is think about our future. Is there something bothering you? Because if there is, you know you can tell me.”
    Ian knew he should tell her what was really wrong but he couldn’t find the right words. So he said something else that had been on his mind.
    “As