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watching him/her twist slowly from the
suspension rig?
    And what is "sex" for you, anyway? I have a friend for whom
"sex" is fisting a woman without using lube. He loves to hear
her scream. It turns him on, and it is an important part of their
sexual dance; he claims that he prefers it to penile penetration.
If I hadn't watched it, I wouldn't have believed it. My point, here,
is that because we're kinky, we may have unusual sexual practices that require searching for that special someone, in order to
get our needs fulfilled. And because of this, you have to decide
whether your partner's "sexual preferences" fall into the "oh, I
don't think so" category, or - being ever creative - you want to
maintain the M/s relationship with this person, but bring in a third
for some of the special sexual stuff.
    What will you pay - in time and money - to make your
relationship magical?
    Okay, we've now explored questions about what you're looking
for - in lifestyle and in the person - so, now it's time to ask how
much are you willing to pay to get what you want? Don't for one
minute think I'm speaking solely of what it's going to cost you to get your partner to operate in the fashion YOU wish - that's only
half of it. It is very likely going to take time and money in order to
add to your own personal skills and those of your mate. It takes
a certain amount of anguish to move yourselves from being two
individuals to being a team. One model to consider, here, would
be Marine Boot Camp. Master may have to learn some serious
personnel management techniques, but the slave not only has to
master routine protocols (see either: Protocols: Handbook for the
female slave or Protocol Theory slave: Leather the for Handbook
and Practice by Robert J. Rubel, PhD), but also has to master
immediate and graceful obedience to Master's commands. As
we're not brought up in a culture where these behaviors are
expected (think Oriental), this may take some patience over
time.

    Do you currently describe your life and your relationship(s) as
magical? If not, you probably have not taken some quiet time to
imagine a more romantic and exciting life. Chances are that you
feel at the effect of having to work and live in a city in America,
while being involved with your particular partner. What I mean by
at the effect is that you are not at the cause: you have adjusted
to the condition, rather than adjusting the condition to meet your
needs.
    This last point brings us back to the imagination issue raised in
an earlier part of this book. You have to be able to conceive of
something - you have to be able to write it out as a goal - in
order to make it real. Many things first have to be thought out
before they can be converted to reality. Said differently, if you
don't hold the concept of something, it's hard to dream it up.
There are many common examples of this when it comes to foreign languages. Many languages have some words that don't
exist in other languages. Just to make the point, you've probably heard that some Eskimo languages have something like 60
terms describing various forms of snow and ice. In English, we
sort-of have "slush, wet snow, snow, dry powder and ice." Those are about all we need in an industrialized nation. But, we'd be
in trouble trying to understand an Eskimo's concern about the
impending weather based on a discussion of the snow/ice conditions.

    Similar blind spots creep into relationships. If you can't imagine
a different set of conditions, then you can't work toward them. In
my personal life, I have many times joined some group simply
because it was against my nature to join such a group. I was in
Rotary International for many years for that reason. I joined a
square dance club - and lasted five years - for that reason. I will
sometimes explore a new relationship with someone who does
NOT fit my personal sense of a "good fit" for that reason.
    So, my message is: work to stretch your