smile, trying to let him know he would be all right. But that wasn’t what he was looking for. He lightly squeezed my hand, I could feel him shaking and trembling.
“Sanchez?” I asked.
“Oorah,” he whispered faintly as his eyes closed, the smile gradually fading from his face as his chin drifted down to his chest.
“Sanchez!” I called louder.
He didn’t respond. His grip relaxed on my hand. I shook him, trying to wake him.
“Sanchez!” I cried.
Buckley had been watching as he worked on another; he was watching as I started to sob, still holding on to Sanchez’s hand and pressing the pad covering his wound.
I felt his hands on my shoulder. Gently he pulled at me, “He’s gone son…let him go. There’s nothing more you can do.”
He steadied me as I rose, his hulking arm draped over my shoulder as his left hand patted my chest, “You did good, kid, and you helped your brother find comfort, so now let it go.”
“I’ll never let it go,” I said defiantly. Looking down at him, my voice still shaky, “Semper Fi, Sanchez.”
“Oorah,” Buckley said, patting my back. “Say a prayer for him, and then let’s help the others.”
He left me standing there. Although Sanchez looked peaceful in his final rest, the pit of my stomach was churning. I’d never seen anyone die before. Even though we’d been at war for three years, I’d never actually seen it. I was scared and angry. Thought of that also happening to my actual brothers made me sick. I ran away from the others. Buckley called my name, telling me to come back, but I kept running till I found a tree that suited my purpose.
I didn’t know Buckley was chasing me, I didn’t want anyone to see me vomiting. He found me behind the tree hunched over, cowering.
“Butler,” he called. “Butler.”
Wiping the puke from my chin, I tried to collect myself before facing him. Turning, he handed me a bandana, surprising me, I thought he was going to chew my ass.
“It’s going to be all right. Death is part of what we do.”
“I know, sir…but…” I tried to say. I couldn’t get the words out before my eyes swelled up again.
“No ‘buts,’ son. It’s normal to be scared. It’s normal to hurt. Don’t be upset with yourself for what you’re feeling. There will be time to mourn our fallen later. Right now, we need to try and save those still living. But remember this—look at me son,” he ordered me, bumping my chin upward with his fist. “We’re Marines too. We will avenge their deaths!”
I nodded to him, biting my lip. I knew he could see the anger in my eyes.
“Okay then…take a few to get yourself together. Okay?”
I shook my head yes, then wiped my eyes with the bandana.
“All right, but hurry. We need you.”
As he jogged away, I turned and leaned against the tree where I had just lost my guts. I was standing next to a small clearing, untouched by anything. Two rabbits were playing, dancing across the snow, leaving small tracks in the fresh powder. They were oblivious to the death that surrounded their peaceful forest home. The blood that was soaking into that white blanket clouded my mind; I couldn’t stop thinking of Sanchez closing his eyes and wondering, will I die the same way ?
“Not without taking a few of those bastards with me,” I sneered to myself. “I promise both of you that. Lee and Sanchez: I’ll kill those alien bastards!”
6
The platoon was decimated. Only ten of us were still standing, eight recruits and two D.I.s. We could only find seventeen bodies. The rest were just…gone, as if they had never existed. Keller and Houserman had both taken shrapnel to the legs. They could walk, but it was going to be a long hump back to the base.
I think I had the worst job to start out with, collecting dog tags. The others were tasked with clearing debris out of one of the smaller craters.
“Here, sir,” I said, handing Buckley the tags. “Why are they clearing that hole?”
“To do the