you want to take the smelling salts? Just in case?â
I forced a smile. âNo thanks,â I said. âHopefully Iâve maxed out my blackout potential for one night. Iâll call you later?â
SBB held up both her hands with her pointer and middle fingers crossed, our secret sign for good luck. I returned the gesture, and with that, slid down from the car and went to face Alex on the steps.
He was wearing his Diesel jeans with the rip in the thigh from when weâd hopped that fence to get into the Knicks game a few weeks ago. His dark hair was still damp, probably from the shower heâd taken after lacrosse practice. He smelled so good, like pine needles andâno. I couldnât get all swoony again. I needed my wits about me.
âHi,â I said stiffly.
âHi,â he said. He didnât stand up to kiss me, like he always did, so I just took a seat next to him. But just as I was sitting down, he started to stand up and moved in for a kiss, which missed my lips and landed awkwardly on my nose.
Normally, we would have cracked up about that. But neither one of us seemed to think it was funny tonight.
âHow are you?â he asked.
âGood.â
âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothing,â I said quickly. âWhatâs wrong with you?â
âNothing.â
âOh.â
There was a weird pause, and then Alex asked, âExcited about Paris?â
âUh-huh,â I said, not looking at him. âAre you?â
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him nod. We stared out at the empty street and watched a pigeon waddle by. This was awfulâand so not
us
.
Finally, Alex turned to me.
âLook, Flan, thereâs something I think we should talk about.â
Oh my God, oh my God. He was going to bring it up. He was going to tell me that heâd fallen in love with a girl named
Cookie
, and that he was spending spring break with her on a deserted island, and that both of them were Team Kennedy now. I was so mortified and so hurt. I knew right then that I couldnât even stand to hear his explanation.
âI have something I need to say too,â I said quickly.
âYou do?â he asked, eyebrows raised.
âI know what happened last night,â I said.
â
You do
?â he said, sounding shocked. âAnd?â
âAnd Iâm appalled,â I said. âI thought things were going so well with us.â
âMe too,â he said. âBut thenââ
âI donât want to hear it,â I said briskly, cutting him off. I was surprised that I was on such a roll. Usually Iâd have crumbled by now, but I just held my ground and said, âI think Kennedy already told me everything I needed to know.â
âSo you and Kennedy have already talked about it,â he said. He sounded disappointed. âI wanted to be the firstââ
âToo late,â I huffed. âKennedyâs not exactly the person I wanted to hear it from either. But when she showed me that pictureââ
âPicture?â Alex asked.
At the mention of the picture of Alex andâshudderâ
Cookie
, I felt my throat start to constrict. I was
not
going to cry. If I cried, he would put his arms around meâor worseâhe wouldnât. Either way, I couldnât handle it. I needed to stay strong.
âI donât want to get into it,â I said. âIâm sure you understand.â
Alex looked confused, but nodded. âSo what do we do?â he asked.
âYou havenât left us with much choice,â I sniffed. âObviously we have to break up. I canât be with someone whoâs not committed.â
âWhat? No. We donât have to break up.â
I couldnât believe he was going to cheat on me and then argue for us to stay together. That was just plain insulting.
âAre you kidding? I can barely stand to look at you right now. I canât be your