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we were younger. I’d probably still be with her today if the accident hadn’t happened.
    I was supposed to pick up my brother, Jace, from some party he was stuck at, but I’d been at work. I’d texted Randy to see if he could pick Jace up, but he didn’t answer. So I called Sarah and she said that she would, and on their way home, a drunk driver slammed them from the side. She died on impact.
    I blamed myself for asking her to pick up Jace.
    Jace blamed himself for being at the party.
    Randy blamed himself for losing his baby sister.
    All three of us had dealt with the lost of Sarah differently. I’d drowned myself in my music and my studies. Jace had gone on to use drugs and sell them, trying to stop himself from remembering what it had been like in that car. He’d watched her die but never spoke of it. And Randy…
    He had pretty much become a wild guy who would try anything once. I never knew where his mind was or what kinds of weird things he was getting into when we weren’t working with the band. He was sort of a floater—picking up random knowledge wherever he went. He’d never blamed Jace or me for what had happened to his sister. He’d never held anger or vengeance in his heart.
    I thought back to the question, his asking if I was okay with him staying with me. How could I not be? “Don’t be stupid. You needed a place to stay”—I glanced to the house—“and I have a place for you to stay.”
    “Thanks, man. It means a lot to me. I’d probably only need a few months until I figure out some things.” He paused and looked back toward me. “You okay, Dan?”
    I gave him a strained smile and nodded. “I got a few beers in the fridge if you want. I’m going to take a run by the lake. The other guys should be here in a few hours to rehearse.”
    “Danny, I’m worried about you. All of us are.” The concern was evident in his tone, drenched in apologies for my life.
    “Why?” I asked, stretching my arm across my body to loosen up for my run.
    He stared at me as if I’d grown three heads. “Your Dad died last week and you’re acting like nothing happened.”
    “Randy, people die. We both know that.”
    Randy had lost his mom a while back, and his dad had never been in the picture. All he’d had was Sarah until the day of the accident. So if anyone knew what death was like, it was the two of us.
    “Yeah, it’s just… After your Mom and the stuff with Jace…” His words faded off. “I just want you to know, we’re here for you. If you need us. I know for a while my mind was in dark places with Sarah’s death. Before my mom died, she asked me to look after her and I couldn’t. That ate away at me. It still does sometimes.” He paused and shifted around. “So yeah, if you want to talk, I’m here.”
    There were two types of mourning. There was the type when a person opened up his heart to the world, never taking anything for granted, and lived each day to the fullest. Then there was the type of mourning where a person closed off his heart to the world and lived in his own world, unable to connect to others.
    I definitely wasn’t the first option.
    I swallowed hard. “You should practice the chords to Ever Gone . It seemed a little off when we played it last time.” I glanced at my watch. “I’ll be back in a few.”
    I started toward the boat shed in a slow run, but it didn’t take long for me to pick up speed.

    After my runs, I always ended up back at the same location—on the dock, staring at the spot where the worst moment of my life happened . I scrubbed my arms so many times. I was surprised my skin hadn’t ripped off. Bending my knees, I lowered myself and stared toward the grass.
    I wished I could forget.
    I wished I could forget.
    I wish I could fucking forget !
    But instead, I closed my eyes, inhaled deep, and I remembered.

    We arrived at the hospital, but Mom was gone before she’d even made it into the ambulance. Jace was bandaged up, his eye was given a few