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I am. "
She brought his fingers to her forehead.   "I'm really messed up.   I don't want you to get all tangled up in my
shit. "
    He drew his
hands away and stroked her hair.   "What are you talking about?"
    She looked at
him.   He didn’t seem upset.   She nodded.   This was it.   The end of her little pretend date, but that
was okay.   She'd managed before, though a
hell of a lot more trauma than this small blip in her life.
    "Okay.   You asked for it," she said, wiping her
cheeks.
    He frowned.   She leaned in and kissed him quickly, before
grabbing his hands.   He didn't protest
when she squeezed a little too hard.   "My entire family died in the past five
years.   I'm the only one left.   Husband, mother, father, brother, my
grandparents, my younger cousin… They're all gone. "
    ****
    Matt stared at
her in shock.   "What,
everyone? How? Was there a fire or something?" He wasn’t sure he
quite understood what she meant, but he’d been a volunteer
firemen long enough that he knew how quickly fire could devastate an
entire family.
    Lily shook her
head.   "No.   My brother died first.   He drowned five years ago.   Then my mother was in a car crash.   They say my dad committed suicide. " She stopped, took a deep breath.   "I don't believe that, but he was found
in the house with a bunch of pills.   Jack—" She paused, swallowing hard.   "My husband fell down the stairs at work
about a year and a half ago . "
    "Jesus,"
Matt whispered.   "Your
grandparents, too?"
    She nodded.   "They think it was carbon monoxide in
middle of the night.   They died a few
years before my brother. "
    Matt didn't
know what to say.   He looked into her
eyes and suddenly realized what he’d been seeing around the edges of her smile
all along.   It was pain.   She was like the widows he'd met overseas, the
ones who'd lost their entire families to war.
    "It's
okay," she patted his hand.   "I'm okay . "
    "Christ,
Lily.   I'm so fucking sorry," he
said, knowing his words were completely inadequate.
    She blinked
back tears and looked away.   "Can we
please go back to the kissing portion of this evening?"
    He cupped her
cheek.   "Yes.   Definitely. " He leaned in again, kissing her tenderly, trying to
convey everything he knew about loss through his touch.   She gasped and he kissed her again, amazed at
her strength.   She was here, alive and
sane, and he didn't understand how she'd done it, how she'd kept going.   She was funny and strong and intelligent.   He'd seen terrible things, done terrible
things, but he'd never had to live through what she’d had to survive.
    "You're so
beautiful," he whispered, kissing her cheeks.   "You're amazing . "
    She shook her
head.   "Don't be ridiculous . "
    He kissed her
again to shut her up.   She melted into
him and he savored the feeling of her in his arms.   She smelled like chocolate ice cream and
tasted like nirvana.   His dick twitched,
pressing against the zipper of his pants.   Yeah, he wanted to make love to Lily, but he
didn't want to scare her away.   He had to
take it slowly.   He dipped into her
mouth, chasing the sweetness of her.   When his phone rang, he ignored it, but Lily
pulled back.
    "Isn't
that your cell?" she asked.   Her
cheeks were flushed.   The phone rang
twice more, then stopped.
    Matt leaned in
again, nibbling just under her ear.   "Yeah.   I'm
ignoring it. "
    "Maybe
it’s important?" Lily gasped as he kissed a sensitive spot on her neck.
    "If it's
important, they'll call back," he murmured against her skin.   He had more interesting things to worry about
right now.   Whoever it was could leave a
voice mail message.   Lily tipped her head
back and he kissed along her throat.   God, she was incredible.   He pressed a free hand against his groin,
trying to calm down a little.   His cock
almost hurt, he was so hard.
    The phone rang
again.   Matt reluctantly pulled away.   "Shit . " He
extracted it from his jeans pocket