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out. That was where the tree was, and all the interior walls of the house were glass so you could see it.
    He grew giant supremely nourished marijuana plants in a closet in his bedroom, but I didn’t know that until I’d been going over there for eight or nine months. The strange part was that I had never even looked in that closet, or asked what was there. I hadn’t noticed it but it was right there inthe wall, a door with a knob. It was odd because I am the kind that will notice everything in a house and will peek under papers.
    There were three transformations: He gave me my first orgasm. We stayed up all night listening to Ben Harper on the expensive fantastic stereo in the living room. We lay on the floor wrapped in a blanket. We kissed and then he pulled my pants off and stretched out on his belly. He held me down so firmly I couldn’t scoot away even though in the beginning it was just too much. So much. He had his arms wrapped under my legs and back over and his hands pulling back the lips and he flicked my clit so hard and pointed and precise and sweet. I couldn’t do anything but feel it. I didn’t know how to help then. He did it all. When it came it was a train, it was heavy and I couldn’t do anything but have it. I sang out—I was so loud he covered my mouth even though there was no one in the house. He said I don’t think they’ve been taking care of you have they.
    The second was pot. He taught me how to do that. He was beautiful with it. So deliberate. Grinding the buds for the joint, rolling it. The way he sat forward on the couch with his arms balanced on his knees and his handsome fingers handling the paper with such respect and delicacy. So serious. His glasses would slip down his nose a bit while he focused and he would pause and hold the paper trough so still in one hand while he nudged his glasses up with the other. Nothing happened of course the first few times but one afternoon when we were both off we went to the Olive Garden on a date. I was married. I didn’t hide it from my husband. Damon and I smoked out before we left his placeto go to the restaurant. It was in the car that I finally felt it and I tipped forward and put my hands on my knees and felt warm and good. I felt desperate and so content. I felt like I knew everything about life. I knew what it was. I knew it was real and I knew what real meant. My eyes were closed and I said Oh. Damon said Hey Marie are you good? I didn’t say anything. I was thinking about life. He said Hey. I could feel him looking at me. Hey, he said. You got to be able to shake that off. I don’t want to shake it off, I said. Sit up, he said. I leaned back but I didn’t open my eyes. When we got to the restaurant I didn’t want to get out of the car. We sat in the parking lot listening to Dar Williams. The bright rasp of her fingers lifting off the strings connected my ears with my nipples with my cunt. My ears pulsed and my nipples pulsed and my cunt pulsed. I felt the milk and I pushed in on my breasts and thought about my husband and my baby and how much I loved them. Hey, he said. Open your eyes. I looked at him. You ready to go inside? Or what. I’m ready, I said. Okay, he said. You’re cool?
    I’m great, I said.
    We went inside. We sat across from each other with the breadsticks between us. I don’t know what we talked about. Everything tasted amazing. He said I sure was occupying a lot of space in his head. I don’t think I said much. Olives don’t even grow in a garden, I said.
    The last one was that night when we got back to his place. We didn’t turn on any lights but there was a full moon shining down on the tree in the middle of the house and everything inside was gray and blue. I said I wanted to listen to the Powderfinger album so he turned it on and thenhe sat down on a barstool with one foot on the floor and one on the bottom rung. I kissed him and pressed my hard breasts against his chest and then I unbuckled his pants and