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close to her while she was naked like this,
separated only by a thin wall. She wondered what he would say if she simply
walked out naked into the other room. She felt seductive and vulnerable to him
at the same time. All this terror and violence, all this disorienting
uncertainty and invigorating newness was making her feel reckless.
    Her eyes were wide and alert,
animal-like. Her eyeliner remained drawn on perfectly beneath her wild, haphazard
hair. Her nipples were still hard from the cold and as she thought of revealing
herself to Jack they became even more erect, contrasting exquisitely with the
soft round teardrops of her breasts. Her firm stomach segued magnificently into
the fullness of her hips. Her pubic hair was trimmed and shaved into a thin
strip leading down to her clitoris.
    She looked for a moment longer,
trying to match the person she saw in the mirror to a name other than Margot.
She wondered if she’d be allowed to choose her own name. The lack of certainty
and control over her own destiny was frustrating and all too familiar. She
sighed, tired of thought, and turned towards the shower, twirling the knob over
to hot, drawing a sputtering rainfall from the showerhead.
    When she stepped into the shower
the heat from the water struck her body wonderfully, her pale skin quickly
turning a vibrant rose color beneath the steam. Margot opened the small bottle
of shampoo from the shelf inside the shower and let the water run over her
head. She felt the beads of water diving beneath the thickness of her golden
strands, running along her scalp, cupping her head in their warmth before
falling down her forehead to run off her nose and lips and chin.
    Once her hair was fully wet,
Margot squeezed some of the shimmering pink shampoo from the tube into a puddle
on her palm. It smelled flowery, like lilacs. She rubbed her hands together and
watched a thick bubbling foam emerge. She ran her hands through her hair and
massaged her scalp, encouraging the foamy shampoo to cover every follicle. She
let the water from the showerhead hit her face while she did this, closing her
eyes tightly, occasionally pulling her head out for a quick burst of breath.
She could feel the satiny foam streaming down her face and body, over her chest
and stomach, down her back and in between her buttocks before rinsing her hair
out.              
    Then she took the small white disk
of soap out of its paper wrapping on the shower shelf. She rubbed it between
her hands, put down the bar and rubbed the soap suds on her hands all over her
face, neck, and arms. She soaped her breasts, rubbing underneath them and
around and over them. She rubbed down her stomach, over the tiny dip of her
belly button, until she felt the coarseness of her pubic hair. She put both
palms on her inner thigh and moved them up into her crotch. She used two
fingers and rubbed between all the intricate folds of her labia. She felt a
warm, tingling surge of electricity flow down to meet her hands as she rubbed
the space directly above her clit.
    She lingered there longer than the
rest of her body before realizing what she was starting to do and thinking
again of how close Jack was. She hadn’t even locked the bathroom door. She
imagined him walking in, seeing her like this, all soapy and aroused, imagined
he could somehow know what she was doing from his position in the other room.
    She was tired of thinking and
being afraid. She just wanted to be a physical being for a while, outside the
realm of consequences and work and fear and boredom. She wanted to explore her
physicality.
    She began rubbing her clit more
intentionally and to feel increasingly swollen and tender. She imagined Jack
walking in and finding her playing with herself. He would be turned on by it,
feel compelled to join her in the shower, and kiss her passionately. She began
pulsing with her arousal and it was hypnotic. She felt full and sexy and
powerful. She had to focus to stifle the small moans that