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looked suspicious. He didn’t step all the way into the stairwell, leaving his back foot in the corridor and holding on to the door as if it were a life raft. He really didn’t want to be here; this was only a courtesy check after a ruckus, an obligation in case someone was hurt.
    He looked at me and blinked. “Everything all right?”
    “I dunno, mate. I heard the same as you.” I looked down to where Laura was sitting stroking Jellyfish’s hair, whispering in his ear. “You all right, love?”
    She looked up with an expression I’d seen too many times—an exasperated wife. “Fine. Sorry, guys. My husband, he never knows when to stop.”
    I smiled at the businessman—two conspirators, laughing at the married couple.
    I needed to speak up before the businessman started to think he was in charge of the situation. “Need any help? He looks a little out of it.”
    He looked at me to say, Should we mention the nakedness? I gave him wide eyes, saying, I know, right?
    Laura took a few steps up onto the landing so she could stand and look up at us, and waved us away. “Honestly, it’s fine. Sorry to bother you guys. He’s just playing dead. He’ll get up in a minute, and then the silly twat’ll realize he’s naked again. Really, you go back to what you were doing. I’m used to this.”
    She played the part well. I didn’t want to think about where she’d done her training. The businessman had the out he was looking for, the excuse to go back to being in his room alone and not having to care about anybody else. I led by example and started climbing the stairs toward the next floor up, heading to my imaginary room. As soon as the businessman shut the door behind him, I turned back and joined Laura beside Jellyfish’s body.
    “You were awesome.” I said and, despite the situation, she couldn’t keep the childlike excitement out of her eyes.
    We stowed Jellyfish on top of Tony, and went back for the carpet.
    Somehow it’s easier to haul two dead humans down six flights of stairs than it is to carry a roll of carpet. It took us twenty minutes of scraping, grunting, and stumbling to get it down. And even then, it was too big to fit into the maintenance closet. We leaned it up across the closet door, hoping nobody would smell it too closely.
    “Next plan?” Laura was breathing heavily, and I didn’t think either of us was going to be able to carry the load much farther. I led her back up to the room, and we pulled the hotel information binder from the bedside table. It listed room service details, the channels for the TV that didn’t work, and the fire evacuation details. It showed that the main assembly point for staff and guests was at the front of the building, in the guests’ car park, rather than the employee space where my car was parked. I pointed at the map, and Laura nodded. “And if we leave it a couple of minutes, then anyone leaving through our stairwell will have made their way around the front.”
    I handed her my keys. I’d traded cars a couple of times since our marriage had ended, but she said she knew which one was mine. After we agreed she’d have it at the fire exit in five minutes, she headed down. I watched the minutes tick away on the screen of my mobile phone. When it was time, I slipped out into the hallway and broke the glass of the fire alarm, setting the whole building ringing with panic and confusion.
    I walked slowly down the rear fire escape, letting others overtake me on their way out, including my businessman friend. By the time I reached the bottom, everyone had either gone through the lobby or out through the rear escape and round the building. The fire escape door hung open, its alarm no longer our worry.
    Laura backed my car right up to the door, popping the trunk before climbing out to help me. She’d already put the backseats down, clearing more room. We slid the two bodies in first, laying them facedown lengthways, with their heads behind the front seats and their