Read 1 Catered to Death for Free Online

about that,” Emily replied modestly. “I have a lot to learn.”
    “You’re the best, babe, and you know it.” Jack looked impatiently toward the door. “Geez, when is Junebug going to show up? I’m starving and I want to eat. Can’t we start without her?”
    “Jack, this party is for Junebug. No, we can’t start without her. Just relax, she’ll be here soon,” Emily chided. “It takes people longer to walk down the hall when they get to be her age.”
    “That’s why I don’t plan on getting old,” Jack announced. “As soon as I hit seventy I’m going to go on the Jack Mulholland Old Age Special plan.”
    “What’s that?” Emily asked.
    “I’m going to eat every single meal at a buffet. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m going to eat about five thousand calories a day and I’m going to take up smoking again. Plus I’m going to drink around the clock. I figure it will knock me off within a few months.”
    “That’s horrible!” Emily said. “You’ll have a heart attack or a stroke!”
    “And die fast with any luck at all. It beats the hell out of ending up in one of those places where they feed you gluey oatmeal, make you talk about your bowel movements all the time and force you to participate in bingo tournaments. Now that sounds horrible to me.”
    “You won’t see seventy,” Frank said to Jack, joining the conversation from his end of the table. “You don’t need to start eating at buffets. You already have an unhealthy lifestyle and some very bad habits.”
    Jack obviously didn’t appreciate Frank’s input. “Look who’s talking,” Jack replied.
    “I have a very healthy lifestyle.” Frank patted his flat stomach. “I’m not carrying around an extra ounce of flab unlike some people.”
    “You can look healthy but still be rotten on the inside,” Jack shot back. “Happens all the time. Joggers, marathoners, people like that look fine but they drop dead for no apparent reason. The doctor does an autopsy and it turns out that they are filled with bile. That’s what will probably happen with you.”
    “Highly unlikely, Jack.”
    “You never know,” Jack said darkly. “When was the last time you had a check up, Frankie?”
    “Last month and I’m in tip top shape. My doctor actually said that I’m an exceptional specimen,” Frank said.
    “Undoubtedly because of the excessive amount of exercise you get,” Jack said, looking from Monica to Claudine knowingly.
    “Good for the heart, Jack. You might want to try to get more ‘exercise’ too,” Frank replied. “If you can find anyone willing to spot you, that is.”
    “Now children,” Simpson said, “try to get along with each other. This is supposed to be a celebration.”
    “When I want your opinion, Simpson, you’ll know,” Frank informed him.
    “And that will be a cold day in hell, won’t it?” Simpson looked in DeeDee’s direction beseechingly. “Are we ever going to eat? Some of us have plans for the afternoon.”
    “You know,” Emily said thoughtfully, “There’s always the possibility that Junebug forgot about this lunch.”
    “How could she forget?” Claudine demanded. “This lunch is for her! It’s in her honor.”
    “Well, she does seem to be getting a little…senile lately.”
    “Now, Emily, be nice,” Jack said. “She’s not senile; she’s probably pickled. You know how Junebug likes to have a shot of vodka in her OJ every morning followed by a healthy splash of Jack Daniels on her corn flakes.”
    Emily laughed. “You’re terrible.”
    Although I hadn’t yet met Junebug, I felt sorry for her. Unless Junebug was a complete nincompoop, she’d have to know how her fellow teachers felt about her and that they were all happy to see her go. I glanced discreetly at my watch. It was almost one-twenty. Where was Junebug?
    The door to the faculty lounge flew open. Everyone’s head turned to see the latest arrival. Standing in the doorway was a tiny white haired woman wearing blue jeans,