me.â
I never have been. Iâve never been with him. Not until now. As we sit looking out over the ocean, the memory hanging between us like itâs projected on a television screen, something else starts to grow, bloom. The fear, the anxiety, is replaced a small bit with anticipation.
Hope.
Chapter Six
A week goes by.
Noah and I share a house, but he sleeps on the mats in the living room. We have breakfast on the deck, then Noah meets with the chief. He says heâs learning the language, but I know theyâre talking about more than thatâa lot more. But he doesnât offer, and I canât push him. At least one thing is clear: We havenât found a way off the island yet.
It doesnât mean Iâve stopped trying.
The week that I went with Edâs family to Mexico was also our one-year anniversary. It was mostly a crazy family vacationâthree little brothers does not allow for a lot of alone time. But Ed took me down to the beach after dinner one night. He held a package in one hand and my fingers in the other all the way down to the waterâs edge. He was wearing this really cheesy shirt I bought him at the hotel gift shop. I remember thinking that he still looked crazy handsome even in embroidered flowers. He was the only guy I knew who would wear that stupid gag shirt just because I had bought it for him.
âI have something for you,â he told me. Without letting go of my hand, he gave me the package. It was small, wrapped in brown paper. I opened it and felt something catch in my throat. It was a glass bottle. Inside was a single scroll.
âItâs a love letter,â he said.
I turned the bottle over in my hands. I stuck my pinkie in the openingâtoo small to pull the paper back out.
âI canât read it,â I said.
Ed put his hands on my shoulders and turned me to face him. âYou donât need to,â he said. âIâm always going to be here to tell you.â He kissed me then, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, the glass bottle dangling from my fingers.
âWhat does it say?â I asked, my lips still on his.
âThat you are the most intelligent, kind, sweet, beautiful person I have ever met and that I love you.â
I smiled. I kissed him. Sometimes, when I was with Ed, I would see myself through his eyes, and it would feel like the most spectacular, magnificent high. Like living at the tippy-top of a roller coaster, the whole world below me.
âThis is a crappy present,â I told him.
He raised his eyebrows, his arms still around me. âI thought it was romantic,â he said. âBut if you hate it, Iâll justââ And then he took it and tossed it out to sea. I watched the splash of water as it landed.
I hit him. âEd!â But he was smiling, and so was I.
âIt wasnât really for you,â he said. âThat was just a gesture of my love. But this is.â Then he took a small tissue-paper parcel out of his ginormous shirt pocket.
I unfolded it in my hands. Inside was a necklace with a bottle cap attached as a charm.
âSo youâll always remember,â he said, âthat somewhere in that giant, wide ocean is the story of how much I love you.â
I looked up at him. He was beaming.
âItâs beautiful,â I said, because I didnât know what to say. I just remember, in that moment, feeling like I didnât deserve this. Like I didnât deserve him.
He motioned for me to turn around, and then he slipped the chain onto my neck. It was cool, and I touched the bottle cap where it landed, in the little pocket between my collarbones.
Iâd worn it every day since he gave it to me, but the cap fell off in the crash. Itâs somewhere in the ocean now. I keep touching the empty gold chain. It feels heavier than it used toâeven though there is something missing.
Sa-we and Asku and I make food togetherâthey have taught me how