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rid of my uncle, he busted me
down to the lowest post on board and had me in sewage. Dark Lord of
the Peckerheads! You know that guy waits til he knows we’re down
there. We dispatch memos, send out mass communications to detail
what sectors we’re working in… there’s signs everywhere… and he’s
supposed to have that mojo-jojo hoodoo-juju dark side of the
whatever bullshit, right? He knows we’re down there working… I’ve
heard him up in his quarters, taking off his suit, chuckling with
his helmet still on… kheeee-kho kheeek-kho he-he-he-he kho …
then the big jerk shits out a whole Mynock on our heads.”
     
    JM – “You
sound quite disgruntled. Still, with such high connections in
the…”
     
    GO –
“Connections? Only connection I’ve got is washing Vader’s Bantha
poodoo out of my hair. One of the guys told me that he specifically
requested that they send me into the lower 19th quadrant last week
so that he could dump a whole tank of Hutt sludge on me. It’s a
nightmare!”
     
    (60 second
pause in conversation. Sound of papers shuffled. Primary recording
device deactivated.)
     
    (Secondary
recorder automatic activation on voice recognition)
     
    JM – “Nepotism
isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, is it?”
     
    GO – “Not from
where I’ve been wading.”
     
    JM – “You
know, my mother put me in this job. She’s the supreme whatever,
savior of the universe, blah blah blah… Never shuts up about it. As
if I wouldn’t be happier married to some investment banker on
Aargau, sneaking off to shop on Cato Neimoidia instead of being
stuck out here in a rat-hole in the middle of nowhere.”
     
    GO –
“Riiiight… Mothma… I didn’t catch that at first. That must suck,
being the daughter of the big shot…”
     
    JM – “I mean,
20 years ago, Mom was a senator, we lived on Coruscant and we had
everything! Then she decided to start a rebellion and the whole
family has to get dragged around the universe.”
     
    GO – “Exactly!
We had, like, 20 servants in our house on Carida. Then my mother
married some shifty cloud miner and sent me off to live with my
idiot uncle on Shelkonwa. Next thing you know, I’m dumped off at
the Imperial Naval Academy and getting my butt kicked by wannabe
stormtroopers for the next 5 years. Families suck.”
     
    (Momentary
pause in conversation)
     
    GO – “Ah well,
we all do what we can. Can I ask you something?”
     
    JM – “Why
not.”
     
    GO – “Vader’s
had a bug up his ass about some kid named Skykicker or Cloudtalker
or something… Is it true that it’s his son? I guess the Emperor is
absolutely furious over this kid blowing up the Death Star and
Vader’s ass is on the line… big time!”
     
    JM – “Is it
now? I hadn’t heard that story. I hear about him all the time. Of
course it’s all I ever hear from that stuck-up bitch Leia Organa. Luke this, Luke that … blerrrrgh. Mr. Dreamy! Enough already.
Y’know?”
     
    GO – “Oh yeah,
it’s all the officers talk about lately. You’d think it was the
Geonosian gladiator games or something. It’s ridiculous. Though it
is nice to think that somebody is giving that shovel-headed A-hole
some grief.”
     
    JM – “Well,
let’s get something on paper before we get carried away trading
secrets, shall we?”
     
    (Primary
recording device re-activated)
     
    JM -
“Everything seems in order here, Mr. Ozzel. You’ll start in
drainage and waterworks on our secret base on Clak’dor VII, in the
Colu system, Mayagil sector…”
     
    GO – “Aren’t
all the bases ‘secret’?”
     
    (Shared
laughter)
     
    JM – “You’ll
be at pay level 7 and receive standard benefits and leave time.
Just sign here.”
     
    GO – “I just
wish I could see the look on the ol’ Dark Lord’s face when he see’s
my resignation notice on his desk…”
     
    JM – “You
didn’t…”
     
    GO – “Oh no, I
didn’t mention anything to anyone about this. Just left him a
little