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right. I’d felt the same sort of judgment aimed at me. It’d been easy for me not to care that Leo was different, because I had parents who were contrasting colors and a mainlander dad on top of that. I was different too.
“Leo,” I said, but he kept going.
“I was so relieved when I got off the ferry, and you were there, and you were you . When you moved to Toronto, you seemed to be getting so . . . critical, and closed off, and I started thinking you’d changed, or I hadn’t really known you as well as I thought. Especially when you came back and it was like you were avoiding me. I can’t believe I left for New York without trying to talk to you. And then the virus started wreaking havoc on everything. . . .” He swallowed. “But you’re still the same person I remember. Even more that person. The way you’ve thrown yourself into helping the town—you’re amazing, Kae. You know that, right?”
My cheeks warmed. “Lots of people are helping,” I said. “It’s Gav who really got everyone organized.”
“You’re the one who’s decided to go to the mainland with the vaccine,” he said. “You saw someone had to, and you’re doing it, despite all the risks.”
“I’m going to be fine.”
“You can’t be sure of that.” He stepped closer. “Look, I know nothing’s going to change; I know you have Gav and I have Tessa and that’s—that’s all right. But you’re leaving, and I might not ever see you again for real this time. I need you to know what that means to me, and how sorry I am that I didn’t try harder to make things right with us before, and how much I really, really want you to get back safe.”
Then he raised his hands to the sides of my face, and kissed me.
It was a gentle kiss, but so steady and sure, my lips started to part against his instinctively. I caught myself, stiffening. My brain stalled. Leo wasn’t supposed to be kissing me. What was he doing? What was I doing?
I raised my arms to push him away, and suddenly he wasn’t there anymore. He shifted back, his hands falling to his sides. A tremor passed through his shoulders.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “It won’t happen again. Please be careful out there, Kae.”
And then he turned and walked out into the snow.
    The next morning the wind had died down. We got a sprinkling of snow, but by the time we’d eaten lunch, that had cleared up too. “We should wait until tomorrow and leave first thing if it’s clear,” Gav said. “We want to get as far as we can on the first day.” I could have left right then, but he made a good point. And it gave me a little extra time with Meredith before I said good-bye. We all ended up tramping out to the backyard with the ferrets.
    The house backed onto the strait, and so the yard led down to the shoreline. Fossey scurried to the edge of the water, Meredith scrambling after her. I loosened my grip on Mowat’s leash as he trundled over to join them. Behind me, Leo and Tessa stood together, Tessa’s arm hooked through his. I was trying not to pay attention to them, but every time Leo moved, I felt it like a prickle over my skin, as if I had a new extra sense tuned specifically to him.
    Since that moment in the garage, he’d pretended nothing had happened, so I’d pretended the same. Even though part of me was furious that he could lean into Tessa and peck her cheek so casually, like he hadn’t been kissing someone else yesterday, like he hadn’t betrayed her. Even though every time Gav smiled at me, guilt welled up inside me, as if I were the one who’d done something wrong. But my head was full of gnawing little questions I couldn’t shake. How long had he wanted to do that? Had he been agonizing over me the whole time I’d had what I thought was a hopeless crush on him?
    What would it have been like if I’d let myself kiss him back? I closed my eyes, shoving those thoughts away. Leo had been through a lot. Maybe he wasn’t thinking straight. I shouldn’t be angry—I should