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I have no idea what she did with it all afterwards.
    After it was all over, and I had stared and stared at our daughter until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I lay back and slipped in and out of sleep. The sounds of bleating sheep, clattering hooves, and voices in the yard all swirled together in the winds of my dream, and when I opened my eyes, Russell was standing at the foot of the bed.
    It took a second or two to register. I blinked and forgave him instantly because he’d obviously had a rough afternoon, too. He still had snow in his hair. His eyes were shadowed with anxiety, and he looked completely worn out. He smelled very strongly of sheep and horse.
    I reached out my hand. ‘Got lost, did you?’
    He didn’t move. ‘I promised I’d be here. I’m sorry. Are you angry?’
    I leaned over and lifted the baby out of her cradle. ‘Of course not. Come and see.’
    He sat very carefully on the bed, squashing neither me nor the baby. I felt my fears subside. He was going to be a great father. Unconventional, maybe. And definitely noisy. But no child of his would ever be lost or alone or afraid or ignored.
    He tucked my hair behind my ears. ‘I don’t know, Jenny, I leave you alone for one afternoon and look what you get up to. I was thinking of trotting off to London next month for that exhibition at the Tate Modern and now I’m worried I’ll get back to find you’ve had triplets.’
    I ignored him. He was just putting off the moment. ‘Do you want to hold her?’
     ‘Should I …? She’s very small … I don’t want to …’
    ‘Yes, just support her head.’
    ‘Like this?’
    She looked smaller than ever in Russell’s arms.
    Astonishingly, he said nothing. I think, for once, he couldn’t find the words. He smoothed her little tuft of hair with one finger. She opened her eyes wide at him and waved her little fists. He touched her face, gently outlining her features. She stared up at him. The room was completely silent, just the gentle spatter of snow on the window panes. He stroked her tiny hand. She unclenched her fist and took a good grip on his finger. He made a slight sound.
    ‘I think she likes you,’ I said, offering him the opportunity to say, ‘Of course she likes me. Everyone likes me. I’m very likeable’ and, astonishingly, he didn’t. He didn’t say anything.
    Slightly concerned, I leaned forward to see his face and said, ‘Russell?’
    He was crying.
    I put my arms around him. He put one of his around me and held me tightly. I could feel his tears wet on my face.
    I said, ‘Hey,’ and wiped them away.
    ‘I never thought I’d have this, Jenny. Back when my life was so … so bleak. I never thought I’d have anything like this. Did you?’
    I thought back to my life before Russell. That great long empty expanse of nothingness. Endless day after endless day. No future. No past. No purpose. ‘No. No, I never did.’
    He carefully handed her to me. ‘I’m wet, cold, and dirty. I’m going to nip off and have a shower. I’ll use the other bathroom so as not to disturb you and then, if you like, we’ll have our first dinner together. Just the three of us. You can tell me about Marilyn’s debut.’
    I remembered. ‘Did you see Tanya?’
    ‘Yes. Andrew’s taken her home. While they could still get back to Rushford. It’s quite bad out there.’
    I remembered again. ‘Where were you all this time? What happened up there?’
    He paused from yanking clothes from drawers. ‘Oh, yes, I was going to ask you. Do you know anyone who’s got a big horse up on the moor? A really big horse?’
    My heart thumped. It took me several seconds to say, ‘No.’
    ‘Well, someone has. It all went wrong, Jenny. It took far longer than we thought to find the sheep and then we had to dig most of them out. Which also took forever. And then, somehow, we got turned around. It happens so easily. We couldn’t find the path down. Everything was covered in snow. The sheep were useless