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out of bed and climb the ladder and stare at him in the top bunk.
    There’s something perfect about Cheedle. Our black hair looks better on him. Like it’s meant to be black. Mine looks like a mistake.
    I shake Cheedle’s shoulder and he opens his eyes.
    Hey, I say.
    He says, Hey.
    I just stare at him. His eyes are so big they look like Ma traded his regular ones for the eyes of a stuffed animal. I know he has a hard time focusing without his glasses. I wonder if he can see me at all.
    What do you want? he asks.
    I want to teach you how to kiss, I say.
    Oh, he says. Interesting.
    So open your mouth, I tell him.
    Cheedle opens his mouth and then I put my lips on his.
    We don’t move.
    His spit tastes clean and sweet.
    I pretend it’s Mandy Valentine’s mouth and I press a little harder. Mandy Valentine’s in my Social Studies class and she has the biggest breasts in the sixth grade. Once I had a dream that she unscrewed them and threw them into traffic. I woke up with a sharp need to urinate.
    After a minute I take my mouth off.
    That’s how you kiss, I say.
    Okay, he says.
    So don’t forget it.
    I won’t, he says.
    Then I continue staring at him. I want to kiss him again but I feel something cold and small turning in my stomach. I almost throw up but I make fists and swallow hard.
    Go back to bed, Cheedle says.
    I feel too slow for my own good.
    He adds, If you’re scared I might recommend reading Anna Karenina. You can use my booklight.
    Then he closes his eyes and falls back to sleep like nothing happened.
    In the bottom bunk I use Cheedle’s light and start to read. After a few minutes I put the book back under the bed cause the names of the characters are too long and I keep getting stuck trying to picture what they look like.
    Every time I close my eyes my head starts spinning.
    Al Johnson’s face is bigger than a pumpkin.
    I get out of bed and go knock on Shay’s door.
    I think maybe I heard her come home while I was reading. Our house is very small and you can practically hear everything.
    Once Shay punched the wall and made a hole. When Ma told Al Johnson he laughed and said, Pretty good for a girl. Then he put stuff in the hole and it got hard like cement. Ma was supposed to paint it white to match the rest of the wall but she never got around to it. Now it just sits there on the wall like an eye.
    After Shay punched the wall Ma grounded her for three days. When Ma walked away Shay said, Fuckin walls are made of toilet paper.
    Shay doesn’t answer so I knock again.
    After a minute I open the door.
    Her curtains are blue and sluggish-looking. I figure she’s in Rockdale smoking marijuana and fooling around with those skateboard guys who have the pierced faces.
    Ma tries talking to her about stuff but Shay says she’s got her own rules. I wish they would get along better.
    Once we went bowling at the Galaxy Lanes on Jefferson Street and things seemed okay. Ma and Shay kept laughing cause they both threw nothing but gutter balls. Cheedle brought a book to read but even he bowled. He had to use both hands and he acted very serious. Every time he finished his frame he would go right back to reading.
    A few weeks later I tried to get everyone to go bowling again but nobody had time.
    Ma said, Maybe next month, Blacky.
    Shay said, I got too much goin on right now.
    Besides, it made my arm so sore, Ma added.
    It was like they forgot how much fun it was.
    Shay’s room smells like cigarettes and air freshener. Her dresser drawers are hanging wide open so I go and close them. It’s funny how there are very few clothes inside. I think it’s cause most of them are scattered all over the floor.
    I look in her closet for gym shoes but all that’s in there are a pair of old black combat boots and empty packs of Kool cigarettes.
    After I leave Shay’s room I decide to go outside and get some air.
    When you walk through the living room the floor