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right.” He opened his eyes and looked at me.
His eyes were a bright, lively hazel, unlike my dull, dark brown
ones. I always wished my eyes were pretty like his. “But I do know
how you think about it before you do it, how you have to think
about it every minute of your life.”
    “How?” I whispered and looked back up at the leaves
for some guidance.
    “You see anyone trying to hurt you or anyone you
know, then it doesn’t matter if they have a pulse or not. All you
think of is how you can put them down for good, as quickly as
possible. Bullet, blade, stick, run over them with a car, set them
on fire—hell, it doesn’t make the tiniest bit of difference. You do
it without thinking or hesitating or considering any other option.
That’s as much a part of your vows as anything else. That’s as much
a part of who you are and who you have to be now.” He reached over
and squeezed my bicep. “You talk to Jonah and Milton about dealing
with the complications, but you believe that part through and
through, without question. Okay, little girl?”
    I nodded and bit my lower lip.
    “Hey, I got something for you.” We both sat up and
he reached in one of the bags we’d been carrying. He got out a
small handgun in what looked like a homemade leather holster and
handed it to me. “I stitched the holster myself, so sorry it looks
rough. I know your mother sews better, but you know she doesn’t
like… you know, guns and even stuff related to guns.”
    I carefully slid the small gun out. It was a dull
blue-black, curved and perfectly formed, though still graceless and
brutal. But it fit in my small hand like it had been sculpted just
for me. And when I squeezed the grip, the hammer cocked; I released
it, and it uncocked. “Snazzy, Dad. Thanks!”
    “Heckler and Koch P7M8. 9mm, eight-round magazine.
Pricey gun, back when it cost money to have a gun. Small, but
decent stopping power. It fits your hand well? I know you still
have trouble with the Beretta.”
    I nodded. “Perfect.” I racked the slide. The best
thing was that it was a completely ambidextrous gun. “And it’s
better for a lefty.”
    “Yeah, I was lucky to find it. You like it? I don’t
mean like, I guess. I mean, is it a good gun for you to carry
around and have as your own? You need that now.”
    “Yes, Dad.”
    “Good.” He reached over and gave my shoulder a
squeeze. “Don’t tell your mom, okay? But it’s yours now.”
    “Okay, Dad.”
    “Can you sit there a couple minutes while I catch a
few?”
    “Sure.”
    He lay back down on the grass. “Thanks,
sweetie.”
    I studied the 9mm for a few minutes, then slipped it
back in its rough little holster and put it in my jacket pocket. I
spent the rest of the time watching the butterflies and listening
to my dad’s steady, reliable breathing, till he awoke and we walked
home.

Chapter 4
    Milton came inside the fence with us and shooed the
other people away from the little building near the gate. That
building was different from the others. It had windows and a sign
over the door that read “OFFICE.” With the other people at a safe
distance, Will came inside the fenced area as well. He broke the
glass on the door and went into the office. He came out with keys
and, staying behind Milton, he unlocked all the other doors. Then
he and Milton left and locked the gate again.
    It’s funny, but now that the doors were unlocked, I
felt embarrassed to open them, especially in front of the two men
who could talk. It was like I was doing a trick or passing some
kind of test they had set up. But I didn’t see how to make them go
away and give me some privacy, so I slid one door up.
    Inside the dark compartment were bicycles and
furniture and boxes piled to the ceiling. Some of the other people
with me went into the compartment and started pulling stuff out,
and I wanted to stop them, because they didn’t seem to appreciate
or respect the things; they just tossed them all around. But I knew
they had as