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about it! Forget him! Move on. That’s an absolute rule. If you want more out of the relationship than just fooling around and having fun, take him off your list entirely. And I also don’t believe in living together before you’re married, or at least engaged. The old saying is true: Why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free?
    Otherwise, if you want to take it to the next level, you have to be subtle. Plant seeds. Play with his nieces and nephews to show him how good you are with children. Cook dinner for his family so that he’s more likely to see you as part of it. Get to know his parents. Get his mom to like you. (I went to a sculpting class with my future mother-in-law. I didn’t care much about sculpting, but I wanted her to love me! I got more than I bargained for, though. We had nude male models, so there we were, the two of us, sculpting penises! Ha-ha!)
    If the subtle approach doesn’t work, you may have to resort to scaring him a little. Start to pull away from him a bit. Pull back emotionally, and don’t be as quick to go out with him. “No, sorry, I’m just going out with my girlfriends tonight.” Make him feel there might be a risk of losing you.
    If that doesn’t work, you’re going to have to make some decisions. If the relationship doesn’t move forward the way you want it to, are you willing to walk? If so, then you need to talk to him. Don’t mention the word marriage . Just say, “Look, I don’t know if this is going in a direction I’d like it to. I love you but I don’t want to be wasting my time.” And then you leave, and you stick with it. He may come running and he may not, but you stick with it.
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    If you’re older than that, in your forties or fifties or whatever, you don’t have to play as many games. At that point, most people are more mature and know what they want, but … you still have to play games a little bit. Because men and women are different creatures who speak different languages, and playing games helps you bridge that language barrier!
    Of course, how you communicate when you’re with a guy also matters—you know, actually talking! Conversing back and forth in English. It matters a lot.
    My mother used to say that a girl should always be “sparkling” around a guy, outgoing, fun, funny, and smart. Obviously, those are qualities that are going to draw anyone toward you, male or female. Most human beings gravitate toward fun, upbeat people. I think maybe in my mother’s day, though, girls and women felt obligated to be so upbeat and positive around their suitors that they almost couldn’t be themselves. Or maybe that’s just the way it seems to me, because things really have changed.
    Now we tend to feel so comfortable with men, so casual, so let-it-all-hang-out, that I’m afraid we sometimes go a bit too far. Yes, you definitely want to be very good friends with the man in your life. But don’t make the mistake of relating to him as if he were one of your girlfriends!
    In other words, you don’t have to tell him everything . You definitely don’t want to complain about how you feel fat today, or just hate your hair and don’t know what to do with it, or say, “Oh my God! My feet are disgusting! I am so overdue for a pedicure!”
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Sparkle!
    Diamonds catch your eye because they sparkle, right? That’s why you want to sparkle when you’re with your man!
       » Look like a million dollars!
       » Flirt with him, even if you’ve been married decades.
       » Be in an upbeat, happy mood.
       » Make sure he feels loved and adored.
       » Be affectionate.
       » Once you’re married, act like you’re on a date.
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    First of all, this kind of talk makes you look insecure. Second, he doesn’t want to hear those things. More important, you don’t want him to hear them. Don’t ever put yourself down in front of your man. Don’t put those images or thoughts in his head—especially because, you know what? Most of the time