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calls up into a wild and desperate crescendo, ending as abruptly as he began.
    When Truax finished, Ainsworth got right up in Dale’s face. “Sound familiar?”
    “Please don’t eat my brains.”
    “Don’t play games, Dale. We know you did it. We have solid evidence and a motive. Tell the truth now and save us all a lot of trouble.”
    “Tell the truth about what ?” Dale asked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
    “Think, Dale. Think hard. Real hard. Anything unusual happen around here recently involving… rope ?”
    “Rope?” Dale thought for a moment. A light bulb went on. The fridge duck . “Oh wait a second, that’s why you’re here? Because of that, that…” Dale pointed to the kitchen. Unfortunately, he was also pointing to the backyard. “…that hanging carcass?”
    “Bingo.”
    “So what is it like some kind of health code violation?” Dale asked.
    “It’s a little more than that, Dale.”
    “How did you even find out about it?”
    “One of your neighbors called us.”
    “Let me guess. Judy. That nosey old kook. Well, can’t say I blame her this time. It is kind of weird I guess. I don’t like the idea of leaving rotting meat hanging around the house either.”
    “Meat?” Truax shot Dale a look of disgust. “You weren’t going to eat him, were you?”
    Him? Dale was confused. These guys must be hunters. That would explain the weird turkey calls. Maybe hunters called their meats “hims” and “hers” because of their close connection with the animals. As in, this venison is delicious. Is there any more of him left for seconds?
    “Eat him? No way. That’s gross.”
    “Good.”
    “I’ll leave that to my wife and kid. They’ll gobble him right up.”
    Truax lunged at Dale.
    “You monster!”
    Ainsworth grabbed Truax before he could get to Dale, who had curled up into the fetal position on the couch.
    “Take it easy, Truax,” Ainsworth said. “Now Dale, was that a confession?”
    “Well, yeah, I guess so. But I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s just some meat on a rope.”
    Truax pulled Dale to his feet and Ainsworth had the cuffs on him instantly.
    “Hey! Wait just a minute!”
    Tommy came running down the stairs in his turkey costume, with a backpack on his shoulder and a Tupperware container filled with turkey meat in his hands.
    “Dad.”
    “Tommy.”
    “Do you need me to jump on these guys like a rabid turkey monster? Gouge their eyes out?”
    Truax and Ainsworth put their hands on their batons.
    Dale waved Tommy off. “No that’s okay, Son. I’m good.”
    “Okeedookee. I’m taking the rest of this turkey to school. You sure you don’t want some?”
    Ainsworth and Truax exchanged a look.
    “I’m sure,” Dale said. “Now run along, Tommy.”
    Tommy shrugged and ran out the door.
    “Where did your son get all that turkey?” Truax asked.
    “From the kitchen,” Dale said. “It’s like a turkey slaughterhouse in there.”
    Ainsworth and Truax exchanged another look, this time with Truax mouthing the word ‘slaughterhouse.’
    “Could you two stop giving each other that look and tell me exactly why I’m under arrest?”
    “What look?” Truax asked as he gave Ainsworth that look.
    “That one.”
    Ainsworth and Truax gave each the look again.
    “There it is again!”
    “Look, Dale. This isn’t about us. It’s about you, and what you did to Gus.”
    “Wait, Gus ? You were talking about Gus this whole time? Gobbling Gus?”
    “As if you didn’t know, you murdering bastard.”
    Dale looked up into the stern face of Officer Truax and uttered the most-used phrase in the history of the human language.
    “Uh oh.”
My day has begun
In a most unpleasant way
God? Please hit rewind

4
A Brief History of Gus
    D ALE STOOD UNDER THE MAPLE TREE with his hands cuffed behind his
    back, his mouth hung open. Ainsworth and Truax stood behind him. All three looked up into the lifeless black eyes of Gobbling Gus.
    “We should get him down