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say
please, I muttered to myself.
    Once I let everything sink in, my tears
started falling faster. This was just more proof that Ryan and
Landyn were nothing alike, only this time, I didn’t like the
difference. I tried so hard not to compare them, and I did a fairly
good job, but at times like this I couldn’t help myself.
    First, Landyn never would have taken me so
forcefully; without any concern for me. Second, he would have
killed whoever was at the front door and I was pretty certain Ryan
didn’t since I hadn’t heard any screams for help. Third, if I
locked myself in a bathroom because I was upset and crying, Landyn
would have known I was upset and crying; we just had that
connection.
    He also would have coerced me to open the
door just so he could hold me. If he couldn’t coerce me, he’d
probably break the door down.
    Lastly, Landyn never would have spoken to me
as harshly as Ryan did while I was lying naked on the floor after
giving myself to him.
    I had to get out of here. I hurried to pull
myself together and went about wiping off the mascara running down
my cheeks. I fanned myself to help the red splotchiness disappear
quicker. When I was finally decent, I quietly walked out. I noticed
my discarded pants in the hall so I picked them up and put them on.
I could only button the top because the zipper was busted.
    When finished, I headed straight for the
kitchen.
    Ryan was sitting on a bar stool with his
elbows on the counter and his head in his hands. I didn’t move past
the entryway. When I called out his name he looked up and surveyed
my oddly clothed body; robe and jeans. When his eyes hit mine, his
face was sad. Yeah, well so was I.
    “I’ll call Trish to come pick me up,” I said
softly. I turned and walked over to pick up my bra and shirt and
headed for the living room.
    Ryan never said a word.
    It was only when I finished dressing and sat
on the couch to wait for Trish that it hit me... I wasn’t wearing
my panties... oops ! I guess Ryan will have a nice keepsake
to remember me by. No sooner than I thought that, I felt Ryan walk
in the room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him stand beside me,
but I refused to acknowledge him.
    “Lex, I know you want to leave and Trish is
probably already on her way, but please let me apologize before you
walk out the door.” I still didn’t look at him. When he spoke next
his words were a velvety soft whisper. “I’m sorry for the way I
spoke to you, Lex. It wasn’t because of you. I was angry with
myself, and I still am. I can’t believe I actually had the nerve to
take you on the floor in the fucking hallway,” he spit out
harshly.
    I looked at him then. “I wanted it on
the floor. I needed it on the floor. I didn’t care where
Ryan, but that pales in comparison to the fact that you hurt me and
didn’t even the decency to make sure I was okay.”
    His face looked pained. “I hurt you?” he
asked in a choked whisper.
    I was surprised that he hadn’t even realized
it. “Yes, Ryan, it hurt; only at first and not too bad, but enough
that I was uncomfortable. You were so intent on finishing that you
never even noticed.” I shook my head. “You know, it wasn’t even
that. I can understand getting carried away, but the way you spoke
to me afterward was cruel. I felt like a child getting scolded for
wanting you.”
    Ryan unexpectedly dropped to his knees in
front of me and grabbed my hands.
    “Lex, I’m sorry. I just wanted you so bad.
I’m so, so sorry. I was also furious at myself for not using
protection with you. I don’t even know if you’re on birth control,
but it was my responsibility to protect you and I didn’t. I want
kids someday, but not right now. I took it out on you.” He paused.
“Sweetheart, please forgive me, it’ll never happen again. I promise
I’ll make it up to you no matter how long it takes,” he pleaded
desperately.
    Well the “not wanting kids right now” part
didn’t make me happy. What about Layla? Didn’t