Read Lemons 03 Stroke of Genius for Free Online Page A

Why?”
    “Because I don’t want to play stupid golf. It’s boring and it’s frustrating. I don’t want to be out on a giant lawn, chasing a stupid little ball around and trying to hit it in a hole a million miles away. It’s the sporting equivalent to kicking a can down the sidewalk as you walk. It’s stupid. I have better things to do than be out there with a bunch of stupid, stuck up, snobby white people.”
    “So, it’s your fear of white people that keeps you off the golf course? Really?”
    “And everything else, but yeah. White people. Ugh.”
    “You’re white!”
    “Yeah…?”
    “Oh my god! Well, Tiger Woods plays golf and he’s not white.”
    “Please, the only thing black about Tiger Woods is the white women. We’re off track anyway!”
    “I know what you’re thinking, Archie. You think I’m going to leave you. Like I’m going to meet someone and off I go. I am not going to leave you. Nothing will be different at all. You’ll still always have me and the boys. Me going out to dinner with someone other than you will not change anything in even the slightest of ways. Okay?”
    “Yeah, okay. Fine.”
    “And?”
    “And what?” I ask.
    “You’re sorrrrrrr-‘
    “I’m sorry. Shit.”
    “Thank you.” She picked up her sandwich and took a bite. With a full mouth she said, “Now let’s find out what happened to this needle-dicked bastard.”
    God damn it. Lousy tramp just made me laugh.
    “This guy’s dicks so small, bacteria laughs at it,” I cackled.
    “That’s my boy!” Elise exclaimed. “Thank you! Don’t stop now.”
    “Let’s see. It’s so small, when it’s cold outside it actually gets bigger.”
    “Oh, what about, it’s so small, sperm has to come out one at a time.”
    “OH MY GOD! ELISE!”
    ***
    By the end of the work day, Elise and I were pretty much back to normal. My happiness facade was good enough, I guess. I couldn’t shake this weird emotion I kept feeling deep in my gut, though. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.
    After going through every word of the skimpy police report and studying the (now) comical pictures of the deceased, we decided we had no real leads here and I would get my secret wish. We were off to Vegas.
    We met back at Elise’s house again and worked out all the details. Jamie agreed to watch the kids while we were gone. We had recently begun paying her, against her will, but she was way too much of an asset to us to take for granted.
    We assumed we wouldn’t be more than a few days. In fact, I had a pretty strong feeling this case was going to be a complete dud. After only a week or so it was already cold. And closed. Nobody much cares about accidental deaths. We would need to get extremely lucky to find anything. I didn’t have my hopes up. I was pretty excited about hanging out in Vegas though. Stupid, stupid Vegas.
    Elise booked us a room at the Myra, which kinda pissed me off. They stole all my money now I have to give them more? Where is the justice in that?
    Mark my words Myra, I shall exact my revenge!
    Exact it? Is that right? No time to look it up. Have packing to do. Heading home.
    ***
    I packed enough for about four weeks. I usually do. Better safe than sorry, though. Especially after our last trip where we stayed like a million days longer than we were supposed to.
    I was too excited to sleep so I got on my bank’s crappy website. I was surprised to see that it was actually working. I took a notebook from my shelf and wrote down every transaction from the month of December. When I was done, I went to my credit card’s website and checked all those recent transactions and compared them to my bank’s transactions. If both of my cards were stolen, the odds would be good they were stolen from the same place.
    It was easy enough to narrow down. During the entire month, I had only used both cards at one place. The Sav-Mor Grocery Store across the street from my house in the shopping center where I got hit by a car two years ago. I